More Than This Tongue Can Tell

{Pinterest} Brownie Heart Cupcakes

2012-02-10T22:19:00.000-08:00

Do you love Pinterest as much as I do? I only discovered it a few months ago, but as everyone who joins knows: it's addicting.

I found a picture of 'Brownie Heart Cupcakes' and decided to make these for our potluck at church tomorrow (because having 24 cupcakes in our house is clearly not a good idea).

Of course the picture I found was from this recipe courtesy of Martha Stuart. Of course.

I had to have them. Luckily, we already had some heart shape cutters. Wish I would have discovered that before I traipsed all over 3 stores to find a set.

I knew I wanted red velvet and cream cheese frosting, so I didn't follow the recipe on the Martha Stuart site. But I did find an amazing cream cheese frosting recipe. Eat to Live? Yeah. Not this weekend. Sorry ya'all. A girls gotta have her cream cheese frosting at least every so often.

This is the recipe I used from All Recipes. It is one of the best I used (do note that I added a cup of sugar to the recipe from AllRecipes. I found 2 cups just wasn't sweet enough for me.)

Cream Cheese Frosting
16 oz cream cheese
1 stick butter
3 cups sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract

Directions: In a medium bowl (or your stand mixer) cream together the cream cheese and butter until creamy. Mix in the vanilla, then gradually stir in the confectioners' sugar. Store in the refrigerator after use.

I dropped in bit of red food coloring to make it pink. And I cheated and used a boxed velvet cake mix.

For the brownies, I made a boxed mix and instead of making it in a 9x13 dish, I made it in my 'even bigger' casserole dish. I can't tell you what size dish because it doesn't say on the bottom, and I am too lazy to go and measure it now. I know, I'm a great blogger. If I had to guess, I'd say its a 10x15, and I baked it for 18 minutes, then let it cool for about an hour before cutting out the hearts.

Watch me strut:

I'm a real woman of Pinterest now. I think I'll even go and 'pin' my own photo.

I can do that, right?

Happy {almost} Valentines Day!

Home School Pre-Schooling

2012-02-10T08:44:00.000-08:00

I have desired since I gave birth to Eleanor that I do home school pre-school with her and all our children. I even want to (on some days) home school Kindergarten and maybe beyond (if I can get my husband on board . . . I mean, look how much it is becoming mainstream, and easy to do - *Brandon - click the link for the article :) *).

Anyway, after moving in with my Grandma there was definitely a long period of adjustment as we balanced roles, expectations, our schedules, and everything in between. In that time by the time I had time alone with the girls I was tired, worn out, and not capable of giving them my all.

Though it has gotten better, I will say, they do watch a lot more shows and movies on netflix than I ever wanted them to, but I'm coming around to accepting it as a necessity, its a part of our life now and I don't want to be crushed by the guilt of what the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) says about it. Hey, at least they're not getting brainwashed with commercials, and I can filter what they watch while I am working downstairs (cooking, cleaning, helping Grandma with whatever, etc.).

Then, at the start of the new year I decided I needed to get serious about starting a home school pre-school with the girls after naps (or with Eleanor while Annabelle naps. Between writing and my other responsibilities there just wasn't time for me to create my own curriculum. No matter how much I want to do just that.

I did a search and found Chubbie Cubbies customizable curriculum and was very excited about what I saw they offer. The price for the "County Bears" kit (geared for parents) is about $21 after shipping costs are included.

I ordered the kit for February, and it was like Christmas when the kit arrived: This is what I received:

This is what we did the first day:

(The Hungry Caterpillar book did not come with the kit, we just happened to have it to read before we did one of the activities. Everything else pictured came with the kit.) The most fun I had the first day was with the calendar. I took the list of activities to do and divided them up into the days I knew we'd have time for the activities (M-Th). Each day I have scheduled at least two activities from the kit I received.

Here is another activity we've done (I thought I had more pictures of the other activities, but apparently not. Sorry):

I didn't want to cut up pictures we already had (and most are digital anyway) so I printed up black and white copies of pictures just on regular paper) to do the "People I Love" activity. We can add more pictures to this one too.

Oh how Eleanor loves to glue and cut. Annabelle is not really 'into' the activities. She has a very short attention span to the projects, and will hang out with us at the craft table before taking off to run circles around us, or play with her poingo books, or blocks. I'm cool with that.

I'm excited to keep on ordering these kits, and doing these activities with the girls to make our home school pre-school adventures successful.

Other home school pre-school activities we do:

Go on a walk everyday (exploring as we go)
Play at the local park (yup, I'm going to count this)
Play 'piano lesson' at the piano (I go outside knock on the door, Eleanor answers "Hello, who are you?" "I'm the piano teacher," I say. "Oh, come in!" And then we play around on the piano. I've tried teaching her 'middle C,' and while she knows the term 'middle C' she can't yet find it herself.
Memory verse, devotional time with their Grace Links Sabbath School quarterlies from church (I'm bad at remembering to do this everyday with the girls. We used to do so much better.)
Cook together time (making pizza dough is still a favorite, or measuring and mixing any ingredients)

I also like to make every outing we have educational and fun. For instance, grocery shopping isn't just shopping. Its math, and learning color, and nutrition, and organizing.

We weigh the fruits and vegetables. We count the fruits and vegetables (we count as we put the items in the produce bags) I even have them pick out what fruits and vegetables they want (based on whats 'on sale' I'll give them options to choose from for the more expensive items). For instance, I hadn't bought asparagus in a long time until Eleanor spotted it in the store last week and declared we had to have it. So we did, and she begged to eat it all week (even stole mine off my plate).

Then they help me organize the groceries in the cart by color, or by whatever other system Eleanor comes up with. When I focus on what the girls can do while we shop we have so much more fun than when I go into the store with the attitude that they're 'a bother' to me while I shop. Once I changed my attitude on making grocery shopping about what they can learn while we're there, it made everything so much easier. They enjoy it more, and I enjoy being with them there more.

There is still plenty more that I want to do with home school pre-schooling the girls, and I am open to taking ideas and suggestions from those of you that have 'been there-done that' or that are currently in the process of doing it yourself.

Chat with me.
Have you considered home school pre-schooling? If you wanted to, and didn't - what kept you from doing it?
If you home-school preschool, what do you love about it? What do you hate? Any tips?

Happy Friday everyone!

A Song About Heaven

2012-02-09T16:22:00.000-08:00

But as Grandma and I finished our dinner to Eleanor serenading us with her "Song About Heaven" we were both struck with how much she understood about Heaven. Of course, my first thought was 'grab my camera and get a video of this," by the time I got to her, she became a bit more silly for the camera. Her first version she sang about how much God loves us and is going to take us to Heaven where we can be with all the people we love "like C.K. and Cassie and Grandma."
Have I mentioned how much she has become obsessed with death? Everyday she tells me "I don't want you to die, I will miss you if you die." or "I don't want to die mommy, I will miss you." I have done my best to try and explain death and heaven to her so she won't be afraid of it, but I suppose it is just one of those things that takes time to fully grasp.

This is Eleanor's silly version of her heaven (and the new TV, and getting hurt) song:

I think its safe to say that Eleanor inherited her musical talents from me. Though I am pretty impressed she understands that a new page of music means a new song. I try to play around with her on the piano everyday so she builds up a lot of positive memories and associations with it, and will one day be begging me for lessons so she can play better. Okay, she already does - but I don't think they give piano lessons to 3 1/2 year olds, do they?

Honesty

2012-02-06T16:48:00.000-08:00

I want to be honest with someone, but it terrifies me.

Be honest with the entire world? Yeesh! Even more terrifying.

I would like to be honest, really honest, with just one person.

Myself.

I know I'm not fooling Jesus. Not that I think I can fool Him.
But Jesus, knowing what they were thinking in their heart... Luke 9:47

But sometimes I think I can fool myself.
If nobody hears what I'm thinking, then its not a problem. Its just in my head.

But I'm not fooling anyone. Especially myself.

The person I am, on the inside, so full of thoughts and complications that I don't let anyone, anyone hear all of the thoughts that fly through my head - if I'm really honest with myself: I don't like that person. I don't like the thoughts I pretend I don't have.

So I started looking up quotes on sin, you know the kind of sin that we all pretend we don't have. The thoughts that we like to tuck away in the back of our mind and say to ourselves that they're just thoughts, they're not actions. Yeah, those thoughts.

“The man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to such a pass that he cannot distinguish the truth within him, or around him, and so loses all respect for himself and for others. And having no respect he ceases to love, and in order to occupy and distract himself without love he gives way to passions and coarse pleasures, and sinks . . . to his vices, all from continual lying to other men and to himself.”

― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

This is me admitting and being honest to the world: I lie to myself and have come to believe these lies.

I want to love myself as Jesus loves me so that I can love the people in my life as He has called me to love them - as myself.

As myself?? Come again? Did Jesus really mean what He said?

How can I love them as myself when I don't even love myself?

I must give up the thoughts in my mind that are keeping me from being the woman I am called to be.

Lies like: You are worthless. You are a terrible person. Your children deserve better, your husband deserves better, your whole family deserves better. What's the point in even trying to be good when you never can be?
One thing is for sure, I can never be the person I want to be without Christ. It is through Christ alone that I have strength and the power to banish these lies from my mind. Through Christ alone that I can be the woman I was called to be. Without His strength I have nothing left to rely on, no hope for myself or my family.

In Christ alone I stand.

One of my favorite songs of all time. I tear up every time I hear it.

But, yes - there is a but - I have to continually be honest with myself, confront these lies, and pray for the freedom from these thoughts on a daily basis.

I have to take control by giving up control to God.

Without Him, I am powerless and hopeless.

So I cling to His promises:

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

10 Healthy Habits, A Checklist

2012-02-02T21:32:00.000-08:00

Last week my grandma shared with me how when she was in 1st grade (that would be 81 years ago) her teachers gave each of the students a "Checklist for Health." This checklist had ten separate items for the students to check off for their health that they must turn in each and every day.

Over the past week we have gone over and over what those 10 things were, and could have been. The girls have heard us talking about it so much that Eleanor started giving me reminders like, "Mom, we need to take our deep breaths now!"

That was when I decided to write these habits down, to create a checklist that I can print out, laminate and post in our house so we can always be reminded to do these 'healthy habits' everyday.

Here is the list that we came up with:

Most of the items on this list comes directly from what Grandma remembers from her healthy habits checklist as a first grader. However, she is 87 after all, and couldn't remember each item. So, I came up with a couple of my own (#'s 8 and 10).

I didn't even brush on the hygiene (brushing teeth, bathing, washing hands). Now that I have made my list I've come up with half a dozen daily healthy habits that I could have included.
(Also, I know conscientious is a pretty big word for a 3 year old, but hearing big words coming out of little mouths is super adorable. So I am hoping this is just another 'big word' that becomes part of our daily vocabulary).

Tell me, if you made a healthy habits checklist for your family, what would you put on it? I'd love to hear what priorities different families have for keeping our minds and bodies running at peak performance.

What I'm Lovin' Today

2012-01-30T01:40:00.000-08:00

A few of my blogger friends post a weekly "What I'm Loving Wednesday" post every week.

I'm not good at remembering weekly meme posts. But I do like to write about the things I love all-the-same.

Today I love:

1.) My writing group.

I may be the only non-fantasy writer in the group . . . but the insights, help, and lessons I've learned from my writing friends over the past two months is not only molding into the phenomenal writer I dream one day to become, but is giving me the motivation and encouragement to finish the book I started.

Plus, they're hilarious, and we laugh together a lot. And who doesn't love laughing?

2.) Coconut Water with Dark Chocolate.

{source}

My friend, and fellow author of her blog A Clove of Garlic, A Pinch of Salt, introduced me to Zico's Coconut Water with Dark Chocolate last week and I went out and bought some to test it out. Oh, this tongue can't tell you enough how phenomenal this drink is. If you haven't tried it yet, go run to the store now and get yourself some. Yes, it really is that good. Both my girls gobbled it down. Now, next week we'll try the plain Coconut Water and see how it measures up.

3.) Chalk Ink Pens.

{source}

We have a few of these pens (and need more) at home. They are great for leaving fun notes on our bathroom mirrors, or writing out our memory verse on the mirror. We say it, write it, and see it, which has helped Eleanor memorize her verses so much quicker.
The girls also have a blast drawing on the mirrors with these.
This is how we use them, but they are so versatile, and clean up very easily with windex and paper towel.

4.) My Big girls.

Annabelle started climbing out of her crib this week -which has a safety gate to keep her from doing this - but alas, she still climbs over. We have had the bunk bed set up for months now, and introduced her to the idea that one day when she's ready she will sleep in the bottom bunk. Tonight she sleeps tucked into her sweet little bottom bunk bed. I may have shed a tear or two.

It took her awhile to fall asleep, but she stayed in the bed without trying to get out once. She is such a big girl.

Eleanor decided to start playing wedding today (which is really yesterday now). Her dressing up and cute theatrics reminded me so much of the thousands of times my sister, cousins, and I would play wedding together. It makes my heart squeeze seeing her act like such a big little girl.

5.) Heroic Husbands and New DVD players.

Yes, that is Annabelle biting his cheek to say 'welcome home'

After a rough week with the girls it is so wonderful to have a heroic husband to step in and take over when I need a break to recharge. To be there for them, make us brunch, be there for me, still find time to work on "The Project" (DIY play-kitchen from desk make-over), and go to the store to buy a new DVD player {the old one finally succumbed to the abuses of small children shoving it closed with objects not designed for its slots}. I don't know where I'd be without my heroic husband.

The Terrifying Three's

2012-01-27T01:02:00.000-08:00

Terrible twos? Pshaw. Twos were a piece of cake.

But the threes?

The three's are beating me upside down and sideways.

Two year olds can't reason like a three year old. They don't have the strength of a three year old. They don't have the capabilities of a three year old.

Child gates? Ha. Merely climbing tools.

Childproof caps? Ha. Puzzles to open.

Things up high and out of reach? More climbing challenges.

What terrifies me the most, what keeps me up at night (like tonight) is that I cannot keep her from doing what she has set her mind to do. I can try, but I am daily outwitted by a three year old.

She knows how to use a key (has demonstrated this multiple times), how to open locked doors (from the inside, meaning she can get out of the house, even if we lock it), and can open the garage door on her own. She talks about wanting to drive all the time. This means, in my mind, it is only a matter of time before I am busy with something and Eleanor sneaks into the garage, opens the garage, turns on the car and drives away.

I know. I did it when I was three (without the car being in the garage).

This keeps me up at night.

And I haven't even mentioned the tantrums. Three year old tantrums with flailing, kicking, hitting, screaming, spitting, won't listen to the calmest voice of reason, yelling "DON'T TALK TO ME. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT."

The even more terrifying part is I see Annabelle watching her sister's every move with calm calculation during these tantrums. Is she learning what to do and how to act, or how not to act?

Only time will tell.

But please, someone tell me it gets better at four.

Grandma Says: Memorize, Memorize, Memorize

2012-01-24T16:52:00.000-08:00

For being eighty-seven (and a half) my grandmother has an amazingly sharp memory. Each day she astounds me with a memory that she has of her early childhood (I'm talking 3-4 years old memories). What is her secret?

Memorization.

Our society today seems to think that memorization is a bad thing. Rote learning equals bad. I learned this in my education classes. The emphasis in those classes was on hands on learning, which is good.

But lets not forget about how important it is for our brains to memorize (read: In defense of memorization). Grandma can tell you this. She has thousands of little songs, poems, bible texts, and stories are stored up in her mind. Everyday she shares something new with us and the girls. I love watching her teach the girls new little ditties, or encouraging Eleanor in memorizing a bible verse.

Today, in honor of the rain, she charmed us with this little song sung to the tune of "Frère Jacques," or Brother John," that she learned in grade school. It goes:

Rheumatism, Rheumatism,
How it pains, How it pains,
Up and down my system, Up and down my system,
When it rains, When it rains

Because of Grandma's gentle encouragement (that she might not even realize is encouragement) I've begun working on little memorization projects with the girls.

Eleanor has memorized how to spell her name because of this. Yes - finally. I really haven't pushed it or any other reading skills. The new research that I've read suggests it may be backfiring, pushing so much learning on such young children.

My favorite quote from the article I linked to is this: "It's more important than ever to give children's remarkable, spontaneous learning abilities free rein.That means a rich, stable, and safe world, with affectionate and supportive grown-ups, and lots of opportunities for exploration and play. Not school for babies."

So, we're going with that.

That said, I want to encourage early memorization - something you cannot get with just free exploration and play. So, we have a memory verse a week that Eleanor learns (Annabelle will be there soon). Besides that, she memorizes books and songs without realizing she's doing it. Beyond that, I'm afraid to push it. Oh, and I had her memorize my phone number, and the city we live in for safety purposes (we're working on our full address)

Annabelle has memorized how old she is (and how old Eleanor is), all her body parts, and all her favorite books and songs. She is soaking up everything around her, and her little mind is obsessed with rote memorization. She nearly knows the entire abc's and 123's perfectly.

Above all, I want to keep memorizing fun. I want to capitalize on how much fun they're having with it now. And hopefully, one day, they'll be reciting Shakespeare and Tennyson with ease, never knowing that memorizing for some is frustrating and boring.

::Chat with me::

Do you (or did you, or will you?) have your small children memorize facts or verses? How do memorize things while keeping it fun?

My Favorite Healthy "Recipes"

2012-01-20T21:19:00.000-08:00

I've had several requests for my favorite healthy recipes. Now, you have to understand something about me: I don't do recipes. Not well at least. I take them as suggestions, and when I create a new recipe, I can never write out what I did because I usually have no idea what I did. I just whiz up whatever I have in my refrigerator with something I have in the the pantry, and whoila! Dinner.

Ok, it's not quite that easy. So, for your sake, I will tell you what I do for meals.

Breakfast

Fruit overload. I have a green fruit smoothie (berries blended with spinach typically), one whole grapefruit, and either healthy fudge brownies with sliced banana (I prefer mine with more banana than apple and a tad bit of agave necter), or I have bean cereal (white beans with banana and blueberries - or whatever other fruit I have on hand) with almond milk.

Dinner (remember - this is our main meal of the day that falls in the middle of the day)
We always have an entree, a side of cooked vegetable (favorites around here: broccoli, cauliflower, and Brussels Sprouts), and a salad. I eat a plate full of salad with dressings that I make, then a serving of cooked vegetables, and then a smaller serving of the entree.

Since I cook for more than just myself and no on in the house eats the way I do, I usually make something that will work for everyone (like stir-fry) or I make something that I can modify for myself. Like enchiladas. I'll make a tofu filling for myself and mix it with onion, garlic, and black beans, and enchilada sauce (that I do make myself. Enchilada sauce is super easy - just tomato sauce {low sodium}, lots of chili powder, cumin, onion and garlic powder, and water), for everyone else I'll actually stuff corn tortilla's with the tofu filling, and a bit of cheese.

But my favorite easy meal is stir fry. No oil. Just a bunch of my favorite stir fry vegetables, garlic and onion, steamed in a wok served over beans, or tofu, and Thai curry sauces (my grocer has some great gluten free, vegan, trans-fat free curry's that I adore).

I also buy a LOT of dry beans - black beans, white beans, navy beans, garbanzo beans. Lentils: red lentils, green lentils, yellow lentils. Lots of lentils. Every week I cook at least two large pot of beans.

Some of the beans are eaten eaten in cereal, or made into "fudge", or put into a stew with whatever leftover vegetables I have on hand, and flavors I have in the pantry. I know - not much for a recipe.

I told you, I'm not very good at recipes.

My favorite homemade dressings (please keep in mind that these are rough estimates, please adjust according to your tastes)

Cranberry vinaigrette
2/3 Cup fresh cranberries
1/4 cup fresh orange juice
1 tsp dijon mustard
1/2 cup white whine vinegar
1/4 teaspoon black pepper
1/2 cup water (drizzle in as necessary)
2-3 sprigs green onion

Blend in food processor or blender.

Creamy Nut Dressing

1/2 cup Tahini/Almond butter/Cashew butter/ or peanut butter (my favorite is with Tahini)
1/4 onion
1-2 garlic cloves
handful of sun dried tomatoes
1/2 cup of water (drizzle in till you get the right consistency you desire)
Lemon juice from 1/2 a lemon
(herbs as desired, sometimes I throw in parsley)

Blend altogether until smooth and at the desired consistency. (Add more water if too thick - I really never measure)

Creamy Cilantro

1 container silken tofu
1 bunch cilantro (stems chopped off)
the juice of 2 large limes
1/2 onion
1-2 garlic cloves

Blend until smooth (works just fine in either blender or food processor)

This is especially delicious over a salad of black beans, Romain lettuce, tomatoes, and fresh salsa. I will often have a very large plate of this as my own special meal while the rest of the family eats something else, like enchiladas, or another casserole Yes, I am the only one in my house who eats like this, so you can too! :)
My favorite soup

Curry Split Pea Soup

1 Onion - chopped
3-4 cloves of garlic, chopped
2 carrots, peeled and chopped

Saute over medium heat in large pot

Cook 1 bag of split peas according to directions on the bag

When peas are cooked, blend half of the soup in batches. I like to leave about half of the soup un-blended, but that is personal preference.

Once back in the pot, add in a good amount (at least 2-3 tablespoons) curry powder, 1 tbs cumin, garlic and onion powder to taste. And, if you must, some salt. If necessary, add more curry powder.

I have made this before with one bag of green split peas and one bag of white beans. It made much more than necessary, but was just as good - of course I had to add more spices)

I love to eat this with some water sauteed kale or spinach.

Supper
I live off of romaine lettuce wraps with bean hummus and avocado and a dash of fresh salsa on top.
So yummy.

Bean Hummus
1 cups cup of bean of your choice (often I will put in several kinds of cooked beans like garbanzo, white bean, and edamame)
Water to bring to desired consistency
1-2 gloves garlic (or more to your preference)
Garlic an onion powder
Lemon juice (usually 1 whole lemon juiced)
1 Tbs tahini

Blend in food processor (not blender) until you reach the desired consistancy and flavor of your preference by adding water. Adding in avacado and cilantro is amazing. But you can put in whatever spices or ingredients you desire (sun dried tomatoes, chives, etc.). Sometimes I mix it up and make it spicy by adding in 1/4 jalapeno. Especially if I'm making it with black beans.

******

Now for my famous "Green Sludge" smoothie.

Famous for its mixed reviews.
Full disclosure.
Brandon's family hated it.

My family (besides my grandmother) loves it.

All of my friends that have tried it, love it.

You be the judge.

Peanut Butter Banana Green Smoothie
8 oz almond or soy milk
1 1/2 - 2 Bananas
1 cup crushed ice
1 tbs peanut butter
minimum 1 cup spinach (I usually have several cups of spinach to pack in more nutrition)

Blend altogether in blender.

This is my dessert. So delicious. Sometimes, if I'm not feeling the peanut butter, I'll do this with 100% pure cocoa powder (unsweetened) and make it a chocolate banana shake.

I will try to keep posting my favorite healthy recipes that I create. I'll also post more links to recipes that I have fallen in love with.

If I'm not feeling the big plate of veggies, I'll have a bowl of bean cereal (cooked white beans, cinnamon, a dash of stevia, chopped fruit, almond milk).

If I'm not feeling that, I'll make myself a grilled mushroom and onion lettuce wrap with sliced tomatoes.

There are so many options for eating delicious healthy food I can't even begin to write about it all here (um yeah, I know - this is why there are food blogs dedicated to this very topic).

For instance, if you haven't fallen in love with Fat Free Vegan yet, you're missing out.

I drool over Susan's recipes all the time, but I never end up making them because they take a long time, and really - I'm lazy. Steaming up vegetables, throwing them over beans, and adding curry sauce takes 10 minutes instead of an hour and a half like some recipes call for.

But please do make the recipes that strike you as delicious and let me know how they taste. :)

Happy cooking!

How I Lost over 30 Pounds in 2011

2012-01-17T21:44:00.000-08:00

I have mentioned my weight loss journey here before, but bear with me again. I've had this post in my head for months now, and its high time I actually get the nerve to hit 'post.'

Now, perhaps some people wouldn't have considered me overweight at the beginning of the year. But I sure did. I was very uncomfortable with how much I weighed. Even technically speaking, at my weight and height, my BMI told me I was indeed "overweight." But oftentimes, I think I suffered from reverse anorexia: the amazing phenomena where you think you look thinner than you really are. Though I didn't like how I looked, I knew it was a whole lot better than where I was right after Annabelle was born ( I gained 60 pounds with Annabelle. I know, l don't understand it myself either). The first 30 pounds of weight loss was easy, half was baby and water weight, the other half - blood sweat and tears at BabyBootCamp.

Here is what I looked like before:

My weight here was 165. At 5'5" that is a BMI of 27.5. Otherwise known as: overweight. Not something anyone likes to think about themselves. For the curious, I was a size 12.

I did not shed the 30 pounds in 2011 overnight. It took me all year, doing different things to change my eating habits to where they are today.

First of all, last January I cut out all processed sugar from my diet as a small step in losing weight and eating healthier. I lost 5 pounds. I was thrilled. My exercise plan remained the same.

The next major change to eating healthier was when we moved in with my Grandmother and we began eating like she does with dinner as the main meal of the day eaten in the middle of the day, rather than late at night. Supper, a light meal, we ate in the evening. Basically: dinner for lunch and lunch for dinner. Just with this switch, I lost five pounds. Even after having to quit my 3 day a week one hour long strenuous exercise class, and switching to a very moderate 20 minute walk every day (and of course running around chasing the kids up and down the stairs).

By May, just with making small changes, I had lost 10 pounds.

Then, came the bigger changes. In October, as I wrote about here, I read the book Eat to Live, and have followed the eating plan that Dr. Furhman encourages. After the first 6 weeks I lost 15 pounds. So far, overall, I have lost a little over 20 pounds since 'eating to live.' My exercise plan remained the same.

That makes for a total of just over 30 pounds lost in one year (33 if you want to get technical)

30 of the easiest pounds I've ever lost.

I never knew it could be this easy to be this thin. Size 4 thin. Even my skinny jeans from high school are too big for me now.

I thought I would have to give up enjoying food. Nope, not so. I enjoy food much more now than ever before.

I thought I would have to be miserable, starving myself to get to be this thin. Not so. Not even close. I enjoy eating much more food than I have ever eaten before.

I thought it would be more expensive to eat this healthy. Turns out, when you stop buying all those processed foods you have more money to buy the healthier produce. Our weekly grocery bills are actually lower than before.

I wish someone had told me how to eat like this when I was younger. I look back and think on all those years I was overweight and miserable. I have never felt better, or have enjoyed this much energy than I have eating to live.

Have I been perfect in eating the 'eat to live' way? Absolutely not. I let myself enjoy pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving (and small amounts of the other 'forbidden foods'), and a smattering of holiday treats and foods over the long holiday season. Even birthday cakes with ice cream, mac and cheese, and a weekend spent celebrating my friend Jenessa's wedding. But I make better choices the rest of the day. I load up on huge salads, eat a tons of fruit and vegetables, and I still don't eat much late in the evening. So, when I do choose to enjoy special treats, they are just that. Special treats. And with eating the way I have 90% of the rest of the time, I still have managed to lose weight even over the holidays, rather than gain like the average American does.

What I'm even more excited about - beyond how much better I feel in my own body - is how much better I feel overall. I mean, I am happier, 'lighter' of not just body - but spirit. And more energetic, too. My energy is through the roof. As are my creative and critical thinking powers. For writing, for my kids, for life (though with more creative energies flowing, the organizational energies have lagged. Somethings gotta give, right?).

If you wanted to just start out making small changes to get your health on track, you'll see those changes reflected on the scale. Small changes mean small loses. But if you want to see big results in the way you look and feel, you've got to make big changes to the way you eat. Everything hinges on what you put into your body.

I never thought I could make all the changes that Dr. Fuhrman suggests in his book.

I thought 'its too restrictive.' "I'll miss dairy too much!" But after making the changes, I realize it gave me more freedom than I ever dreamed possible. And I realize, I don't like the way that cheese makes me feel afterward. Yeah, it tastes great, but I feel horrible afterward. When I had dairy as a constant in my diet, I never knew that I could feel anything other than the way I felt. Now that I know better, when I slip up and divulge in dairy - it makes for a great reminder why I don't have it in my daily diet.
(As for meat - I've always been a vegetarian, so that has never been an issue).

I'm done with the SAD (Standard American Diet) way of living for good.

Size 4. 134 lbs. 5'5

Please excuse the poor quality of the before shot. I never liked being in front of the camera, just me, much before. So, the only picture that I could find, I had to photoshop out the people behind me. As you can see - I still have a lot to learn with photoshop.

Please, ask me anything about "eating to live." I'd love to answer any questions you have.

Heard Around, Part Ten

2012-01-11T16:19:00.000-08:00

It has been too long since I last posted some hilarious conversations or overheard phrases. I have kept recording when I can remember and now I have pages of conversations. Enough for many more posts, you'll be pleased to know.

*****

Me: (Reading a story about a little boy going to school)
Eleanor: I will go to school when I grow up!
Me: Yes, you will!
Eleanor: And I will learn how to cook, and clean, and go shopping without you with me, mommy!
Me: (how have I raised such an anti-feminist??) Yes, and how to read, and write, and do math too.
Eleanor: Uh-huh, and how to drive!
Me: (face-palm)

*****

Eleanor: Uh-oh. Teddy just pooped on my foot, and now he pooped on you, mommy!
Daddy: Its okay, she’s used to it. You used to do it all the time.

Eleanor: What? No I didn’t! Don’t say that, man!
Daddy: Well, I have pictures that prove you used to poop on mommy.

Eleanor: Why would I do that?
Daddy: That’s just what little babies do.

Eleanor: Yeah, sometimes that is what babies do. Like you were building the crib for somebody cause her baby is coming. She’s having a baby.

Daddy: That’s right she has a baby in her belly that is still growing.

Eleanor: Yeah. So, how’d that baby get in her belly?
Daddy: (Under his breath) Ah, I knew that was coming. (whispered to me) what did we tell her last time?

Me: Well, uh, there was a seed that God put in her belly, and a little bit came from the love of her daddy, and a little came from the love of her mommy. So the seed grew into a tiny baby that has a little bit of both mommy and daddy.
Eleanor: Oh yeah, that’s right. I remember now.

Me: (thinking to myself) That's not going to mess her up for life, is it?

*****

(Eleanor picks up my camera)

Me: (Gasping) Uh-oh, Eleanor - no!
(Eleanor begins to drop the camera and I swoop in and catch it)

Eleanor: Whoops! Guess that’s why I have my own camera now.

Me: Exactly!

*****

Me: It is Isabella’s birthday party this Sunday. Do you know what she might want?

Eleanor: Hmm, yes. We should bring her a birthday party hat.

Me: Oh good idea. Ok! What else?
Eleanor: Well, actually – I don’t think we can go to the party, mom.
Me: What? Why ever not?

Eleanor: Well, (hesitating) when we were there playing last time . . . I hid her star bucket and she told me: ‘now you can’t come to my birthday party!’ So I don't think we should go.

Me: Oh, that was not a nice thing for you to do, Eleanor. Did you apologize?
Eleanor: Yes. But you know what mom? I think we can go to the party and she will be really happy to see us anyway. Don’t you think?

Me: Absolutely! (How did she get so perceptive?)

*****

Me: (to Eleanor) Have you brushed your teeth this morning yet?
Eleanor: (With a look of disgust) Yeah, um - well I put sunscreen in my mouth and it didn’t feel very good.

Me: Did you swallow any?!?
Eleanor: No, that was gross!
Me: (hysterical laughter)

Awakening to a closer walk with God

2012-01-06T17:41:00.000-08:00

To read the first chapter click here.

I picked up Stovall Weems book, Awakening: A New Approach to Faith, Fasting, and Spiritual Freedom by Stovall Weems, because of a deep desire for just that, an Awakening. I wanted to have that same passion for Him all the time as I had during the week of revivals at my church we attended last November. As Weems says, we are meant to have that kind of passion all the time, not just during a week-long, or even month long event. That kind of relationship with God is sustainable, but not only that, it is God’s desire for our relationship with him.

God created us to be passionate about what we love. If we love something or someone, we can't keep quiet about it.

As a Christian I’ve never really understood the role of fasting in my relationship with God. After reading this book, and the bible texts that discuss fasting I have come to the conclusion that it should be a part (read Matthew 6:16 and Mark 9:14-29). Christ mentions fasting as one of three 'space makers':ways to create space in our lives for God to fill, as "God is a filler, not a forcer." The three space-makers are: giving, praying, and fasting. I’ve been praying, and giving, and reading the Word – but neglecting fasting. I became hungry to learn more.

Reading the last section on "how to fast," I realized that after eating the "Eat to Live" way for the past 3 months, I have been fasting all this time. The sample menu's the book give for fasting are essentially the same menu's I have been eating - except I am eating a good amount of beans and tofu, which I feel is healthier for my body overall. I never connected with how close my diet is to the "Daniel Diet."

One point I disagree with Weems on is he says to drink a lot of water during a fast - and I mean a lot of water - more than 12 cups a day. I disagree with this. If you are not eating a high sodium diet - and are eating lots of fruits and vegetables - your body does not need that much water (source).

At the very end of the book is a section on how to fast, and the "Awakening 21-Day Plan." Each day gives a small devotional, bible reading plan, prayer focus, optional book reading plan, and a place to journal. Just skimming through this section makes me excited to start the 21-day 'fast.' But since I'm already fasting, we'll just call it a 21-day-devotional-to-make-even-more-space-for-God-in-my-life - or really call it what it is - fasting with purpose, a closer relationship with God. (And then if you really want to feel great all the time, not just on a 21-day fast, go pick up "Eat to Live.")

Even though I didn't get as much out of the fasting portion of the book, after reading this book I do feel more connected with God, rejuvenated and yes - awakened to God's desire for me. The bible passages he selected and the way he wrote about grace and living a passionate life for Christ has left an impact on me. My favorite passage:

The clause of the New Covenant in Hebrews 8:10-12 says: This is the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel after those days says the Lord: I will put my laws in their mind and write them on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be My people. None of them shall teach his neighbor, and none his brother, saying "Know the Lord," For all shall know me, from the least of them to the greatest of them. For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their lawless deeds I will remember no more.

What an amazing message to us from God! Because of Christ's sacrifice on the cross, our sins and lawless deeds He will forget, wipe clean from His memory. Now, that is good news, folks!

Would I recommend this book to anyone wanting to draw closer to God? Absolutely.

Full disclosure: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group, but all thoughts and opinions are mine, and mine alone.

My Non-Picky Eaters

2012-01-04T15:42:00.000-08:00

This afternoon as I pulled up my inbox I opened up an email from "The Bump," entitled:

Your Toddler is 22 months old!

Not that I had forgotten, but sure it is a nice reminder. The rest of the email read as follows.

This month: Picky Eaters

Most toddlers do get proper nutrition when their parents serve a variety of foods -- even if it doesn't always seem that way. But, unlike adults who often eat out of habit or boredom, toddlers only tend to eat when they're hungry. And remember: New foods are scary to your toddler. So manage your expectations; it may take inspecting new foods several times before he'll actually taste them -- so don't force it.

My first thought is. Toddlers don't eat out of boredom? Hmm, not my kids. Especially Annabelle. Unless she really is hungry every 10 minutes. I think 'hungry,' is her new favorite word. My second thought was: I have never worried about introducing new foods to Annabelle. Eleanor, yes. But not Annabelle. She'll eat practically anything I put in front of her: broccoli, cauliflower, Brussels sprouts. Yes, you heard me. Brussels sprouts. A favorite for both girls, actually. Don't believe me? See for yourself.

Roasted Brussels Sprouts on the plate . . .

Roasted Brussels Sprouts going in the mouth . . .

Three cheers for Brussels Sprouts!!!

Again, Brussels Sprouts on the plate . . . no butter or oil, just a little salt, lots of lemon juice.

Happy eaters!

Annabelle is so concentrated on her plate of food that she can't be bothered to look at the camera. Can't say I blame her.

Now, Bump, get your act together and send me some tips that I can really use, like: "How to get your toddler to stop screaming at ear piercing decibels," or, "How to train your toddler not to destroy everything in her path."

Before you start asking me how I trained such non-picky eaters let me tell you something: I didn't. Eleanor was a picky eater before Annabelle came along, and Annabelle was simply born a foodie. Girl loves her food. Gotta love positive peer pressure. Now Eleanor will eat (and love) her vegetables simply because Annabelle will eat (and love) her vegetables. I have no tricks other than: keep serving lots of vegetables to your kids. Yes, even Brussels sprouts. You never know, they just may love them.

2012 Resolutions

2012-01-01T23:53:00.000-08:00

Ah, 2012 - you've already come in with a bang! We got to spend the weekend with family in Tahoe celebrating and ringing in the new year. It truly was a weekend we'll never forget! Gotta love spending time with the ones you love.

But seeing as how we have already established I love resolutions, here are my 2012 resolutions. Sure, we can call them goals, or hopes, or dreams, or whatever you want. They're still resolutions.

Mental

Write. Write. Write! For more specifics on this, feel free to check out my six writing goals here at my writing blog.
Read the 3 books I have on writing that are collecting too much dust on my shelves.

Physical

Pick up again with my healthy eating habits and stick to it (mostly just ditch the sugary bad habit I've reverted to this holiday season). Ok yes, ideally I would like to lose another 10 pounds. There, I said it.
Run a 10K (or maybe even a half-marathon) this year.
Make my bed everyday {couldn't think what other category this fit into}

Spiritual/Emotional Health

Start a small groups bible study in our home (A goal my Grandma and I have together)
Keep reading the Bible, but also read: Steps to Christ, The Great Controversy, and The Desire of Ages.
Visit and spend more time with friends (who live near and far)
Practice forgiving everyday, all day. Brush off the negativity and rejoice in the ultimate love of Christ's sacrifice on the cross. Remember that His sacrifice makes ANY slight against us - no matter how real - nothing, not compared to the rejection He must feel when we refuse His Gifts.

Creative

Learn to knit so my Grandma doesn't laugh at my pathetic attempts at just a simple cast on. Oh yes, and make something for the girls (Yes, even scarves count)
Help Brandon finish the DIY desk-into-play-kitchen project we've been working on before Annabelle's 2nd birthday.
Finish our family photo books to be here in time for Christmas 2012.

Parenting

Take the afternoons that Eleanor doesn't nap and work on preschool activities (i.e. crafts) together. To make it easier, follow a home school preschool kit like this one.
Follow the 31 Days to Happier Children Series. Try to remember even in the very difficult, frustrating moments of parenting that these years will be gone in a flash. Make sure to enjoy this year, the challenges along with the joys. In other words: be positive, and be fully in the present for the girls.

I know its a lot, but I find life is always lived best when lived to the fullest, making the most of every moment God has given to us.

Here's to living 2012 the way we were made to live it.

A few things about these pictures. A.) Top left corner is our first family photo of 2012. Yes, we had to wake up Annabelle at midnight for the picture. She crashed around 9 after trying her hardest to stay up. B.) Yes, Eleanor is drinking sparkling martineli's, just so we're clear. She stayed up until midnight with the most amazing show of energy. C.) Since when do my girls and I have red-tinted hair? And how am I just noticing this now? D.) I have the most handsome and amazing husband ever. E.) There is no E.

A 2011 Recap {in pictures}

2011-12-31T19:04:00.000-08:00

January

Had a blast building forts with our couch by the front window

Took a trip up to the snow with the girls and C.K.

February

Before we knew we were moving we worked hard in our garden to dig out the mint that took over from the year before.

Annabelle's clown-like personality begins to shine bright, bright bright.

March

Annabelle turned one and we celebrated with family with an "Over the Rainbow" party.

We made a big move and Eleanor insisted on carrying boxes upstairs like us. "I'm so strong!" she insisted. "Look at my muscles!"

For spring break we took a trip down to visit Brandon's parents and celebrate my birthday. Trying to take a family picture is always a treat.

April

Game night with the family. We play rummikub while the girls play with the dominoes. So much fun!

The canal by our new house is ripe for beautiful pictures, and makes for a perfect location for our Sabbath afternoon walks.

Annabelle enjoyed Easter a much more this year, but her joy in the day couldn't even compare to the excitement Eleanor had in the day.

May

Got together with family for cousin Chloe's fourth birthday.

Annabelle like's trying to feed her sister, like Eleanor always liked feeding Annabelle. Eleanor's not a big fan of this, kind of like Annabelle was never a fan of her sister feeding her.

Ran the Avenue of the Vines 5K a good seven minutes faster than the year before. It made me remember why I love running races (but never enjoy running on my own).

June

June was a busy month. Started out with a trip to the local zoo to see the Lorikeets.

We ran the Zoo Zoom 5K race and I shaved 4 minutes off my time, coming in just shy of 30 minutes. Running in races is the only way I can really enjoy running. Brandon however, rocked the race and came in 1st for his age group.

Went up to Tahoe, and Eleanor actually enjoyed walking in the sand. Hallelujah!

Our best friends and former neighbors moved across the country. We were (and still are) heartbroken by their move.

Went on an Alaskan cruise with Brandon's family. It was an adventure of a lifetime.

July

Eleanor turned three and we started the 'birthday balloon' tradition.

Third birthday party with the family at friends Lisa and Neal's house.

Took a trip down to visit the southern California family. We stayed with Great-Grandma Shull for a few days and had the first ever Shull family reunion. It was so much fun meeting new family for the first time.

August

Devotional time with Great-Grandma Odell in the morning when she reads to the girls from their "Little Friend."

Finger painting in the bath tub. The easiest, cleanest way to play for toddlers to play with paints.

Celebrating six years of marriage on a celebratory horseback ride made me realize it had been too long since I'd ridden on the back of a horse.

Our annual trip to Yosemite with the senior class of the Academy Brandon teaches at. This year the girls and I only made it up for one day: in time to climb Sentinel Dome and take a family photo.

September

Family worships on Friday nights are my favorite.

A trip down south for friends wedding took us to Brandon's favorite park and climbing tree as a child.

Celebrating Brandon's birthday

Celebrating Brandon's birthday with friends and a cake. Annabelle got some good practice blowing out candles. She'll be a pro by her 2nd birthday.

October

Everyday we take a walk with Grandma in the morning. Some days Eleanor pushes the little stroller, other days she rides her trike, still others she wants to ride in the 'big' stroller. So many options, so many days to choose.

Classic scared Eleanor face at the pumpkin patch

A visit to my mother's house was long overdue. Her yard is straight out of a storybook.

Celebrating Halloween at a friends house with a bonfire and s'mores.

November

Early morning wake ups necessitate looking at family photo books in bed together before starting the day

November was National Novel Writing Month and everyday I committed to write to at least 1,667 words to reach a 50,000 word goal. Eleanor had fun pretending to write when I wrote.

The girls chowed down on their Thanksgiving meal, and we enjoyed a lovely meal and time spent with family, loving and laughing and just being.

December

My roommate from college married her soul mate and got to spend a 'girls' weekend with wonderful friends who live way too far away.

We made cookies and passed them out to neighbors and Brandon's co-workers. It was so much fun going with Grandma and the kids door-to-door passing out Christmas cheer and meeting neighbors who we pass by all the time without really knowing. Our immediate neighbors 'retaliated' by giving us delicious fudges and chocolates and now I'm planning a neighborhood dinner. If you want to spread love, where better to start but with the people who live right next to you?

Eleanor insisted on rollerskating to each of the neighbors houses as we passed out the Christmas candy. She held onto the stroller for balance. Annabelle wasn't convinced that was such a good idea.

Celebrated my sister's birthday with lemon pie (on request) and Eleanor couldn't let us forget that she is three.

We thank God everyday how blessed with are with the friends and family we have in our lives and the adventures and love that we have shared with you throughout this year.

“In life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.” - Eva Burrows

Happy New Year friends! I pray that your home is blessed with the love that binds, eases friction, and brings harmony in the coming year (and all the years to come).

A 2011 Recap {in resolutions}

2011-12-31T01:18:00.000-08:00

I love the end of the year, looking back to see where I was this time last year, seeing where I've come, and what I hope this year will bring.

Here were my "Hopes and Dreams" for 2011:

1. Live every day like its my last, and stop my complaining. Remember everyday the amazing blessings that I have been given. I think I complain too much which doesn't convey how happy I am with all the blessings I have. Not done as well as I had hoped.
2. Go to bed by 11 p.m. every night except for special occasions. Not done nearly as well as I hoped.
3. Read instead of play computer games after the girls go to bed (now that we don't have Direct T.V. this should be easier to do!) so I can actually read 25 novels this year (children's books don't count!). Reading books? I have read much less than 25 this year. And a reading goal of that magnitude will not be on my 'to do' list this year either. Too many other projects.
4. Wake up with Annabelle's 6 a.m. feeding and go for a run/walk 3x a week instead of crawling back into bed when she falls back asleep. I started out very strong with this. All of January and most of February. Then Annabelle stopped waking up at 6 a.m. . . .
5. Run the Avenue of the Vines 5K in 30 minutes. Done! Wait - not the Avenue of the Vines. I ran that in 34 minutes, but I did run another 5K a month later in 30 minutes.
6. Lose 10 lbs by the end of June and another 10 by the end of the year - and I know they say not to make weight goals, but whatev' - I need want a number to attain to, thank-you-very-much. Done and then some. I lost over 30 pounds this year and have never felt better in my life. Thank you Dr. Furhman and your book, Eat to Live.
7. Volunteer at the church more. I want to begin visiting shut-in's with the girls like my Grandmother did and still does. I want to have people over for Sabbath lunches at least once a month, if not more. I want to reach out to the community. After moving in with Grandma this one did not get done, but I have kept up with my previous volunteering in our girls Sabbath School classroom.
8. The bus stop is only about 50 yards from our front door, I want to utilize this city service this year instead of driving our own car when we have errands to run in town. Didn't get this done before our move.
9. Read the bible daily, ideally in the morning with the girls while we eat breakfast, or otherwise in the morning after my jog/run. Done. And then not. And then done. I need to keep up with this better still, but I call it a win.
10. Create a vegetable/herb garden and maintain it through the year. I worked hard on my garden getting it ready to plant before we realized we would be moving. Our new location did not allow us a garden. I cannot wait to live in a place where we can garden again.
11. Start project 365 and stick with it (working on making a new blog for this project that I will link to on this blog in my sidebar, or top page button). Done! I may be behind posting the pictures to the blog - but i have taken a picture a day this year AND kept up a blog. I plan to keep this up for 2012

Overall, how did I do? 4 out of 11? Sounds terrible. However, some of these goals became obsolete after our move. So, when we moved I created a new resolution: write a book. After writing 63,000 words towards my first draft of my novel, I say that trumps everything else that I did not accomplish on this list.

2011, despite all the many hardships, has been monumental. Life changing. Mind-blowing. Awesome. I have never felt the power of God and the Holy Spirit as I have this year. God is real, alive, and moving in our lives in a way I never expected. My theme song for the year is Hillsong United's, "Hosanna."

I hope 2011 was just as amazing a year for you as it has been for us.

{Stay tuned for a 2011 year in recap in pictures later today . . . }

Merry Christmas (Eve)!

2011-12-24T23:10:00.000-08:00

The stockings are hung by the fire with care. The cookies all made and set out for Santa. The children are sleeping, the house all ahush.

After opening their special Christmas Eve presents of matching santa pajamas's and animal slippers, we tracked Santa using Brandon's phone with the Norad app. After we determined how much longer it would take Santa to reach our house we each picked out a cookie (we had made earlier in the week). We poured out a glass of milk, put in two cubes of ice to make sure it stayed cold for Santa, and placed it with care my the fire. The girls drank in each moment, their excitement building with each new activity we gave them. So when we said "its time for bed!" How could we expect a response other than this:

I mean really, how much more cruel could we be? After she waited so patiently to eat the cookies too. I have never heard so much screaming and knashing of teeth, and if you have heard Annabelle scream you know that is saying a lot.

"No! Go away Daddy! Cookies! Santa!" She says. She was very adamant with her 'go away's," and so cute it was almost impossible to resist. Almost.

Merry Christmas, from our family to yours!

Facebook Stories

2011-12-17T23:21:00.000-08:00

All too often I find myself thinking of stories in short facebook status updates, even if I never end up posting it online. For instance, this story that took place last week after I dragged the girls with me shoe shopping (worst idea ever).

The girls camped out in the pantry while I cooked dinner today. They were quiet. I was happy. What harm could they do, really? Note to self: store the sugar canisters and cups on the very highest shelf.

The sugar highs are a riot to watch. The sugar crashes? Not so much. Now the girls try to sneak into the pantry every chance they can get.

Lesson learned: don't play ball in the bathroom with Eleanor with the toilet seat up.

Annabelle on her little potty, the big toilet lid up, and a ball to play catch with between Eleanor and I. I know what you are thinking: why would I have to learn this lesson the hard way? Because I'm special, that's why.

Sometimes the stories I share on facebook I fail to record here, stories that I would like to remember, like these:

To Brandon: As I played catch with your daughter {Eleanor} I looked to the side at something, and she threw the ball right at my face smacking me in the side of the head, "hey - you gotta keep your eye on the ball!" she taunted me. BTW I think she'll be ready to join the softball team this spring. December 13

True story. My daughter has a mean throw; strong arm, and perfect aim.

If you ever hear me say I'm going to take Annabelle with me to a craft store remind me of the time back in November of '11 when she swiped a bottle of paint when my back was turned and attempted to drink it (and spill most of it all over herself, shopping cart, and aisle floor). Then slap some sense back into me. Literally if you have to. November 30

Luckily it was a pretty red-brown paint and blended in nicely with her outfit. And, it turns out - I don't think she actually got any paint into her mouth. Those aisles are too close together, and who sells paint bottles without some kind of seal under the cap? Huh? Not safe, people, not safe.

Our Blendtec came today and now I want to blend everything in sight. Literally. November 17

So far in the month that we have owned a BlendTec we have blended over 60 times. Just about two smoothies every day. My favorite, a green peanut butter and banana smoothie (8 oz almond milk, tablespoon peanut butter and about* two frozen bananas and at least two cups of fresh spinach)
*I say about because I chop the bananas before I freeze them so I really have no idea how many bananas are in them. I do believe that having so much spinach every day has been one of the keys to my weight loss (more about in another post).

Laying in the dentist chair today having Mt. Rushmore carved into my teeth I suddenly felt more like one of Dextor's victims than a patient under a doctors care. November 10

My teeth still hurt. More than they did before the Dentist told me I had cavities that needed filling. Now they are sensitive to extreme temperature changes; I can't eat hot or cold foods without wincing. I'd like a refund. Do they do that for a bad filling job?

There are so many stories I have failed to record here. So many memories I've let slip through the cracks because I forgot why I started this blog for in the first place: recording memories. I hope to do a better job as The Family Memory Keeper.

Requisite Santa Pictures

2011-12-13T15:52:00.000-08:00

Grandma, the girls, and I headed to the mall yesterday for errands and Christmas shopping. The air was thick with anticipation and holiday cheer as I shoved the girls into their holiday dresses and carefully combed and pinned back their hair.

As I tugged the skirt up around Eleanor's waste she declared, "I don't want to see Santa!"

I wasn't sure what to say at first. I'm not huge into the magic of Santa. I know what you're thinking, but I'm not a scrooge, I promise. "You need to tell Santa what you want to get for Christmas, " I said, which I thought was safe enough. When she tells Santa what she wants then I can hear and buy the presents. Its not a lie.

She tilts her head and looks at me, I see the wheels inside her head spinning fast before she declared, "I don't want anything for Christmas!!"

"Nothing? No presents with toys, or new clothes, or anything?"

"No, I don't want anything!"

"Ok, that does make it a lot easier on daddy and I."

"Yea it is easier. So, I don't need to see Santa. He scares me. Remember?"

Determined to still take the Santa pictures, happy children or not, we pulled up to the mall, got Grandma where she needed to be, and stood in a nice and short line for Santa. {The malls aren't as full on a Monday morning}

As we stood in the line Eleanor was distracted by the beautiful trees, elves, and lights and forgot how scared she was to see Santa. As soon as she saw Santa her face lit up and she started jumping, "Santa, Santa! Look there he is!!!" As though she had been wanting to see him her whole life and it was finally happening. We took one step closer and she panicked.

"I don't want to sit in Santa's lap!!"

Turns out, Santa probably doesn't want her sitting in his lap either wiping all those boogers on him.

Annabelle screamed for a few moments but I have no pictures to prove it unfortunately.

Eleanor just picked her nose and made funny faces.

And this is why I love Santa Pictures so much. Not for an adorable sweet picture. No, no. For the hilarious pictures that one can only hope to get.

And So Christmas Begins

2011-12-05T22:06:00.000-08:00

We held off on putting up our Christmas decorations longer than the rest of the world it seems (at least according to friends on Facebook who have had their decorations up and out before their Thanksgiving dinner had a chance to digest).

With a fistful of decorations Eleanor shouts, "There're all mine!" then finishes her declaration solemnly as though she's saying a memory verse, "Third John Five."

I'm pretty sure Third John Five does not start out anything close to, "They're all mine!" but it just goes to show that she's already learned a valuable life lesson: say it like you're quoting the Bible, and maybe you'll be taken more seriously.

The Christmas tree is up, we've had the cursory discussions about why we have a tree at Christmas, why we put an angel on the top, and why we decorate the tree. And of course all the candy canes that we hung are already down and put away after certain children swiped the lowest ones and devoured them (and managed to cover themselves and everything they touched with sticky pink ooze) while I was cleaning in the kitchen. And so it begins, the joy and chaos of the Christmas season.

We even watched the Little House on the Prairie Season 1 Christmas episode and I cried at the love they had for each other, and wished we could have such a heartfelt, simple Christmas where each gift meant as much as it did for them that they spent weeks planning and perfecting for each other - like God spent planning and perfecting His gift of Salvation for us.

I want to make all my gifts for Christmas too but it turns out I just don't have the skills like the pioneers did to make all the gifts they did. I have made one thing for Eleanor, but I don't think everyone on my list will want the cute little name banner I cut up from felt and glued together. If you don't sew, knit, or crochet (eer, well. I've learned but I'm slow and clumsy), what do you make for gifts besides lots of cookies and fudge?

Heard Around, Part Nine

2011-11-30T23:32:00.000-08:00

"I'm finished! May I please be excused from the table?"Eleanor says. Ah yes, that's the polite daughter that I raised.
"Yes, of course, please take your plate to the sink."
"No, I can't. Besides, you put the plate on the table, you should clean it up!"

No matter how many times I tell her she ate off of it, she needs clean to clean it up, Eleanor still feels as though since I put it there I should clean it up. I have told her many times, "you took the toy out, you need to clean it up," so now I feel like I don't have a leg to stand on.

******

After tucking Eleanor into bed and relaxing in bed myself a few minutes later Eleanor comes in screaming in pain, "my finger hurts, my finger hurts!"

"What happened, sweetie?"

"I bit my finger!"

"Why did you bite your finger?"

"I was trying to bite it off!"

"Why were trying to bite it off???"

"I don't know!!!" she wails.

"Then how about you don't try to bite your finger off again."

"But I want too!!"

"Okay, Daddy - you take this one . . . "

I'm just not sure what to say to a kid when they want to bite their finger off. I'm sure I handled that one badly too.

******

We are currently watching the '70s TV series version of Little House on the Prairie at night with the girls and grandma. On tonight's episode Pa had to walk 100 miles to find work, and while he's walking Eleanor turns to me and asks in grave seriousness, "Mama, why doesn't he just get in his car and drive to work?"

Even after explaining they didn't have cars she still didn't get it and kept repeating, "but they could just drive there!"

******
"Uh oh Eleanor, you know you aren't suppose to jump off the top of the couch like that." It's a house rule, and she knows it.

"Don't say that, woman! Old woman!"

Not quite sure where she picked up this little gem. Also, clearly we are having some respect issues around here.

****

I tell Annabelle it is time for bed and she runs from me through the living room up through the dining room and all the way to the front door. She plasters herself against the front door and as she has no where else to go she lays herself as flat as she can against the door, squints her eyes shut tight as I get close to her and announces (eye's still squeezed shut), "I'm sleeping! Sleeping!!"

*****

As soon as Annabelle does something she knows she's not suppose to do, say hitting any one of us - she immediately follows up with, "Sorry! So sorry!" She knows its wrong but she just can't seem to help herself!

I win!

2011-11-29T23:11:00.000-08:00

The month of November is nearly over and through all the holiday chaos and business of life I managed to write (most of) a book. I win! (Not much more than the bragging rights of having written 50,000 words in a month) With everything I have going on in life most people I talk to wonder how I have had the time. So, how have I managed to squeeze in time in my busy life to write 50,000 words? Here's how: I wake up early (at least an hour before the girls wake up) and write. I write when everyone is napping and after everyone goes to bed at night. On Sunday's I skip out of the house for four hours and write like a mad woman in a little coffee shop with other NaNoWriMo participants, and then keep on writing later that night. Also, if you haven't noticed my blogging has taken a serious back-burner.

And I never stop thinking about writing. Every chance I have to research a bit of this or a bit of that, I do. I won't lie, the girls have watched a whole lot of netflix (which, by the way - I just realized today why they named it netflix. Net. Flicks. Ahahah, yes I am that slow) this month while I research and write.

I took the girls to an amazing place called "Funtastic Play Center," where the kids can play and where the adults can sit at tables and read/write (they even have wi-fi). Adult participation is encouraged only to keep the peace as necessary. I told Eleanor we'd be going there while grandma naps today she said, "Oh! So you can write and we can play! What a great idea, mom!" They have also taken up being writers and will come sit next to me with their crayons and paper, and with their 'laptops' they will write with me. My daughters are amazing if I haven't mentioned this before.

I asked for a lot of patience from everyone in my life when I began this process, and while they may be sick of hearing about my book (they haven't said) - I'm still not. I'm taking that as a good sign.

If you want to read more about my month of writing feel free to check out my writing blog

Stepping Stones

2011-11-28T22:22:00.000-08:00

WORRIES.

The little worries which we meet each day

May lie as stumbling-blocks across our way,

Or we may make them stepping-stones to be •

Of grace, O Christ, to Thee.

— Miss A. E, Hamilton.

September 3, 1894 "The Bible Echo" Volume 9 - No. 35

There are so many things I love about writing historical fiction, but one of my favorite parts is making fortuitous discoveries while researching. I was reading an old letter the other day, circa 1894 and reference was made to a widowed Mrs. Hamilton who had a young daughter, about nine years old. Both mother and daughter lived and worked in the same home as my main character for several months. I jotted this down in my "Characters" document, and went on my merry way. Then today as I was pouring over an old issue of "The Bible Echo" I read the above poem and my heart nearly skipped a beat when I read that it was penned by none other than Miss A. E. Hamilton. Now, of course I know A. E. Hamilton may not be the same person as the girl in my book, but the chances are very high that this was the very same young Miss Hamilton that has already found voice in my novel. Seventh-day Adventists in Australasia were still a very small group numbering only in the thousands nationwide. So, I will gladly take this little poem and weave it into my book and thank God for helping me find such a fine needle in a haystack of research.

I also love it when I am researching for my book and I find something I wasn't looking for: encouragement for my soul. I have so many worries, big and small, don't we all? (Hey, I'm a poet and I, oh never mind) It is only I who can make the choice to have my worries trip me up, make me stumble and fall away from the path I have been put on; or, I could have the same worries continue to lead me to the Cross, because He promises, "Give your burdens to the Lord, and He will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. - Psalms 55:22. Today (and everyday) I choose to make my worries as stepping stones to the grace of Christ.

I pray that you can too.

P.S. Have you noticed that little widget at the side that tells you how I'm doing with the National Novel Writing Month challenge?? I'm nearly there! By the time you're reading this, I just may have finished, as I have just over a thousand more words to go before I hit the coveted 50, 000 mark. So, if I haven't gotten back to commenting on your lovely comments or checking out your blog, please forgive me. I will get my blogging act together soon!

Giving Thanks!

2011-11-26T12:49:00.000-08:00

I may be a little late on the Thanksgiving Day post, but hey - we hosted. We've been busy (and I've been trying to write a book this month, and I got sick, and . . . I know, a lot of excuses).

Eleanor was really into the food this year. I mean, really into it. She told me later that night, "ooh mommy I stuffed myself too much with food." Sure, maybe she heard someone else (*ahem* me *ahem*) say that, but she did do a fine job polishing off her dinner and dessert. I'm so proud.

Annabelle ate. Of course she did, she always does. But she was by far more interested in the people that were over than the food on her plate. "Family!" she says. Girl loves her family!

I hope everyone has enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving season!

"Give thanks unto the Lord, for He is good, His love endures forever," Psalms 106:1

Now let the madness of the Christmas season commence!

Confronting the S Factor

2011-11-20T22:56:00.000-08:00

It was Friday night, and instead of putting the girls to bed, I put them into the car and headed for church, a half hour drive south of where we live, to attend the revival meeting. I needed church right then in the worst way, and I prayed as we pulled out the driveway, "Lord, You know I need this meeting tonight, please help us get there on time safely."

All week long we had been attending meetings at our church entitled "End of Daze." All week I had been feeling the power of the Holy Spirit, been anointed with His spirit, and on fire for His work in my writing. I was creating big plans for God. Big I tell you. But that is what the devil hates the most. Getting on fire for God. When you are drawing the closest to Him and doing big things in Christ's name that is when Satan uses all of His wily ways to persecute you. Really, it is what he does best.

Now, the most sneaky and best way for him to do his persecution does not come in the form of other people, no no, that is too obvious (don't get me wrong, it does happen. Way too easily, and way too often. But it is not his trickiest trick in his basket of tricks). No, Satan likes best to attacks you from within. He feeds into your mind thoughts like, "You are a bad mother. You are worthless. Your children deserve better than you give them. Why do you even try? Everyone hates you, nobody likes you - guess you should go eat some worms!" And because it is in your own mind and not coming from someone else the voices are harder to shut off. The accusations are harder to deny. If Satan can get you to believe his lies, he's going to have to make them your lies first.

So there I was, in the car having felt all day as though I was caught in an alligators mouth being drug into the swamp, and yet my Father was at the other end pulling just as hard, doing everything to not let me be devoured by the alligator (to be clear, the alligator is Satan). It was when I literally felt sick to my stomach, my head ached, and I felt physically ill that I realized a real spiritual warfare was been waged over me. I could feel it, and I needed to be at the meetings at church in the worst way. "Please Lord, get me to the church in time to hear the message," I prayed.

I knew the moment we pulled onto highway Five that my prayer would not be answered. The freeway had turned into a parking lot. There was no way I was going to make it to the meetings on time.

As the minutes turned into a half hour and we still had not moved, no 'next exit' anywhere in sight and two tired and screaming, fighting girls caged in the car I began to lose my mind. The spiritual warfare in my mind intensified. I worried that if I gave in in the slightest I could become the next Emily Rose (have I mentioned the wonderful imagination God has blessed me with?) I fought and screamed and cried against the devil (mostly in my mind - but a few times while the girls were screaming, I joined in with them - which by the way, only served to make them laugh. At least it wasn't a total loss). I wanted to evoke Jesus' name to banish Satan from my mind, but I had become so defeated and hopeless at that point that my faith in Jesus had been crushed. It was less than a mustard seed I am afraid to say. My desire to call out "Fine, Satan, you win!" was strong, but still I couldn't do it. I felt forsaken, and alone. Crushed, defeated, worthless, and hopeless.

Three hours I sat on the freeway between the exit I got on and the 'next exit' to turn around and come home. Three hours at night alone in a car with tired, cranky girls who refused to fall asleep. Three hours no more than ten miles from my house.

I don't want to bore you with all the gory details, so let me skip straight to the end. Jesus triumphed. Well, of course He did - He already has triumphed. I mean in my heart, of course. I will not deny that I cried myself to sleep that night, or that I did not want to take myself to church. Thank goodness for having responsibilities at church - so I went even though my heart was feeling broken, and I was still feeling a bit angry with God. Isn't that funny how we can feel angry with a God who has given us the Ultimate Gift, something we did nothing to deserve? Yet we can still manage to feel anger toward Him, like He should give us MORE than He's already given us.

As I rode along in the car to church I decided to read an article that had been sitting on my dresser for weeks just waiting for me to read. But as things go, for one reason or another I had been putting it off. The article in the July 2011 issue of the Adventist Review entitled "The S Factor," by Delbert W. Baker begins:

"The principle holds that wherever God is moving, the S factor kicks in. That is, Satan, our adversary, will factor in and seek to block spiritual progress and destroy anyone's opportunity for redemption."

Tears began to flow down my cheeks, and I knew that God had saved this piece for me to read on the day when I needed to hear this message the most. How Awesome is Our God?
Baker continues:

"Some people deny the obvious reality of Satan, and the lethal nature of his devices. Each believer plays a role in the great controversy between Christ and Satan. Our choices are crucial. Some may think that if we just pray enough, God will remove the trials from our lives. Not so. Prayer is a vital component to our spiritual development. However, for our character development God allows temptations, tests, and trials. God works with us and through us to guide and deliver us through the trials.
The S factor has a singular chorus, one rule of composition: the first person singular. It's all about Satan's "I" . . . Everything focuses on the "I," to the exclusion of all else. Satan has focused his agenda to cause the destruction of every person who would do right."

Hungry for more, I kept reading and again I was amazed at how something I should have read months ago was the answer to my need now. I read then in another article by David Asscherick entitled, "Reaching the Summit,"all of which was wonderful, but this phrase struck a chord within me the most:

"I want to be the kind of the Christian that Satan wants dead. Don't be so naive as to think that the devil wants everyone dead. If only it were so easy. There are many people he is perfectly happy to have healthy and prominent and beautiful and famous. Persecution is the inevitable result of being filled with the Spirit of Christ. All Who labor [for Christ] will suffer persecution 1 Cor. 4:12 and 2 Tim. 3:12. It's going to happen.
**If you are not experiencing persecution, I would step out on a limb and ask a question: Is there nothing to persecute?"

My message to you today is this: Are you a Christian that Satan wants to persecute? Remember Christ will prevail. He already has. So, really what is there to fear?

Bloggy Love, Liebster Award

2011-11-20T20:01:00.000-08:00

It has been one of those weeks where I found myself at the end of my rope with motherhood - questioning even my very worthiness as a blogger of motherhood. I have lost my patience, yelled, and thought - well, lets just say that I thought things I wish I had never thought. So when I finally had a chance tonight to check my emails last night I read an email that humbled me, that made me choke back feelings of unworthiness and shame. Tricia at Raising Humans had awarded me the Leibster Award.

Tricia - thank you, but I am not worthy! Its true. Coming off of a revival week at church (more on this later) my first response is: Only God deserves our glory and praise, because it is through by His grace that that we are, well - anything.

Needless to say, I am very honored. The Liebster award, a German word meaning sweet, kind, nice, beloved, valued, and endearing. Bloggers have been awarding The Liebster award to their top five blogs with under 200 followers (with soon to be thousands, of course) for quite awhile now. Here are the rules.

Copy and paste the award on your blog.
Thank the giver, and give a link back to the blogger who gave it to you.
Reveal your top 5 picks and let them know by leaving a comment on their blog.
Hope that your followers will spread the love to other bloggers.

I want to pay this honor forward by awarding five incredible women that continually encourage me, or leave me laughing my tushy off, or nodding my head in sympathy and commiseration, or challenging me to greater things. The front lines of motherhood are tough ya'all, but this blogging community has saved my sanity on more than one occasion. Ladies - you inspire me to be a better mother, writer, Christian, and even a better cook. Here's to you! (In no particular order)

Mama Says
Drops of Living Water
Saved By Love
A Clove of Garlic, and Pinch of Salt
Throw Up and Theology

P.S. Even if you don't feel the desire to post and spread the blog award, I totally understand - but I wanted to honor you and your blog for what it has brought to my life. Over and out.

Heard Around, part huit (8)

2011-11-14T16:14:00.000-08:00

"Oh the house is such a mess," I said bemoaning the state that I had allowed my bedroom to become.

"Yeah you're right," Eleanor says, "but daddy's side of the bed is not. Look at his side mommy, much cleaner!"

*Hangs head in shame.* Its true. His side of the bed is cleaner and on mine I have a shirt, books, a receipt, hair band, stray bobby pin that fell out, and a Little Friend the girls pulled out all needing me to get off of this computer, bend my lazy self down and pick them all up. Its probably not going to happen anytime today. Or tomorrow. Ok, fine - I picked them up just now since I shamed myself so.
Gotta love kids for pointing out the obvious. Daddy is clean. Mommy is not . . . as much.
* * * * * *

Coming off of a timeout (there seem to be more of them these days) Eleanor comes in to me and says in the most heartfelt apologetic voice, "I'm so sorry Mom. I forgive you."

It was pretty cruel of me to discipline her for being dissobedient, I'm just glad she found it in her heart to forgive me.

*******

"I love daddy so much. Do you love daddy, Mommy?"

"Yes, I love him - of course I do"

"Yea, that's what I thought. So, then why do you let him go to work?"

Ah, if only we could all just live on love!

*******

As Annabelle sat in her high chair, naked (as I let her do in the morning so as not to ruin an outfit before its even had a chance) she begins to pull at her tiny nipple, "Nursing? Nursing?" She cries trying to pull it up to her mouth to - uh - well, nurse herself.

She kept trying for several minutes. Annabelle is nothing if not determined.

********

Laying in bed snuggling one morning Annabelle tries to pull my shirt down and nurse. I quickly stop her and tell her there is no more milk for her.

"Yeah, Annabelle, mommy doesn't have any more milk for you," Eleanor tells her sister in a very grown up voice. She then turns and looks at me with a puzzles expression, looks at my chest and asks pointing, "So wait, then why do you still have those then??"

"Because I may want to have another baby one day to be able to give milk to."

When I told Grandma what Eleanor said, and after she stopped laughing - she asked if I told Eleanor: "so that I can attract my husband," and then burst out laughing agin. Ahh, yes and these are the days of our lives.

{Guest Post} Don't Miss Christmas!

2011-11-11T07:20:00.000-08:00

You know those blogs you find yourself at again and again for inspiration and encouragement, the one's that you read as soon as a new post comes out and you never let pile up in your Google Reader? Lori Thatcher's blog, Everyday Truth is one of those blogs for me. She is always inspiring, and I always leave her blog a better woman because of it. If you haven't discovered her yet, you're in for a real treat. So, with an insane goal of writing 11,000 words just this weekend in my novel I knew I needed help with this blog while I make myself crazy with NaNoWriMo, and I knew Lori wouldn't disappoint.

Yes, friends - Christmas is coming up faster than you can say "Holly Jolly!' and you don't want to miss it among all the hustle and bustle with your children this year. What do I mean, 'miss it,' you ask? Let me let Lori explain -

_______________________________________

It’s November, and Christmas is just around the corner.

I love Christmas. I love getting together with family and friends. I love the decorations and the food. I love the traditions.

What I don’t love is the hustle and bustle – the hurrying from here to there. It seems as if we pack more activity into November and December than we do the entire rest of the year. We have holiday parties, family gatherings, school functions plus all the shopping and baking. I don’t know about you, but by the time Dec. 26^th gets here, I’m exhausted.

Unfortunately, I too often get to Dec. 26^th and realize while I got all the things that needed to be accomplished done, I missed the point of Christmas. While I may have set the perfect table and found the perfect gift, I missed the celebration. I never took time to really focus on the gift of Jesus’ birth. And if I missed the celebration, then it’s most likely that my kids missed it, too.

We don’t want our kids to miss the opportunity to celebrate Jesus. Christmas exists because of Jesus, but too often He gets pushed to the side. We can use the everyday moments between now and Christmas to focus our families’ hearts and minds on the reason for the season.

Get your kids talking and thinking about Jesus during the Christmas season with these five simple ideas. You probably already do most of these things. This year, do them with a different purpose.

1. Take a drive to look at Christmas lights. At the darkest time of the year, we string lights on our houses and light up the night. Darkness flees as we celebrate Jesus’ birth. Jesus tells us He is the light of the world. As you see Christmas lights, talk with your kids about how Jesus came to be a light. He came so that we no longer had to live separated from God (in darkness). Because Jesus died for us, we can have a close relationship with God and live in His light.

2. Decorate with purpose. Make your home a daily reminder of what Christmas is about. While Santas and snowmen are fun and can certainly have a place in your holiday decorating, make your focal point decorations ones that point to Jesus. From nativity scenes to wall hangings, decorate your home with reminders of why we celebrate Christmas. Don’t hesitate to include scripture in your decorations. Use these decorations as starting points for conversation with your kids. If your decorations have the word “Joy” in them talk with your kids about why Christmas is a joyful time.

3. Get a nativity scene your kids can play with and put a nativity scene in each of your kids’ rooms. Put grandma’s antique nativity scene up high where your kids can’t reach it and buy a plastic one your kids can play with. Surround your kids with the story of Jesus’ birth. Children, especially young children, learn through active play. Letting your kids play with the nativity set gives them the opportunity to act out what they know about the first Christmas. It makes the story more real to them. Talk with your kids as their playing. Let them tell you the Christmas story.

4. Emphasize giving to others. Make cookies and take them to a neighbor or a nursing home. Buy a gift for a child who won’t otherwise get a Christmas gift. As you are giving to others, talk with your kids about what God gave us on the first Christmas. Talk about how Jesus is a gift to us. He bridged the gap between us and God, and God offers us a relationship with Him as a gift. We just have to accept it.

5. Fill your home with music. Play and sing Christmas carols with your kids. Focus on the ones that talk about Jesus’ birth. When you hear “Away in a Manger,” talk with your kids about what they think that first Christmas was really like. Do they really think Jesus didn’t cry? What do they think the stable might have looked like or smelled like? Use the stories told in the Christmas carols as a springboard for conversation with your kids.

Keeping our families focused on Jesus during the Christmas season doesn’t have to take extra time or energy. It simply requires that we be intentional in the way we celebrate the season. We have to look for the opportunities to talk with our kids about Jesus, then grab them. We can use the things that are already around us to help point our kids to Jesus. And when we do, we’ll wake up on Dec. 26^th knowing that we and our kids celebrated Jesus – God’s gift to us.

Lori Fairchild is the author of the Everyday Truth blog that focuses on helping parents use the everyday moments in life to teach their children about God. She is the mom of 8- and 10-year-old girls, who provide her with plenty of opportunity to practice what she preaches.

_____

What are the little ways that you incorporate honoring Jesus in the Christmas season? I'd love to hear them!

Fall Favorites

2011-11-09T23:10:00.000-08:00

Fall is hands down my favorite time of year. Here are just a few of the reasons why:

Around a bonfire with friends, Eleanor says "I Love You"

Roasting marshmallows, ahh sticky sweet gooey goodness. Perfection.

Tired girls in matching outfits at the pumpkin patch

Eleanor's face. Oh, my - there just aren't enough words.

On a raining day, steamed soy milk split into two cups for the girls to have a 'coffee' with me (though I only ever get soy chai tea Eleanor insists on calling it 'coffee)

Popcorn!

Thanksgiving Tree:
Click this link for the inspiration from Everyday Truth

Fall nature walks picking leaves

The fall leaves book that we made from our many collections of leaves.

Fall, you delight me.

Grandma Says: Don't throw that away! (Food Edition)

2011-11-05T22:10:00.000-07:00

My Grandma's a saver. But then, let me ask you this - whose Grandma is not a saver? It seems to come with the territory, especially if that Grandma lived through the Great Depression as mine did.

I however, am not so much of a saver. I did not grow up in any kind of a depression. Living with Grandma is re-training my habits and thinking. Whenever I mess up while cooking Grandma has been quick to give me several suggestions on how to save food I would have otherwise thrown out.

Tip #1: Utilize even the most broken pie crusts. A broken pie crust may seem unusable - the edges have all fallen off, the whole thing is in pieces. Its a wreck. Do not despair! There is a use for even the most unsightly pie crust. Make lemon meringue pie (or anything with merainge on it as the merainge covers the entire top of the pie, but we all know lemon meringue is the best). Pour the filling on top of the broken pieces and add the meringue out to the outside edges of the crust, masking the fact that there are in fact no pie crust edges. When you dish up the pie no one will care or notice the pie crust bottom is not perfect, and as Grandma says, "most pie's crusts crumble when you dish up, and besides when you're eating lemon pie nothing can be the matter."

Tip #2: Get the burned taste out of beans. So, you've made a pot of beans, and burned them. Again. What's a cook to do? Throw them out and start over again? No, no! Save the beans that didn't get burnt to smithereens. Grandma knew that there was a way to do this, but she couldn't remember what the method was as it had been so long since she had burned a pot of beans. She suggested several tablespoons of nutmeg, and while it did help I could still taste an ever so light hint to the burn. I went on the hunt for the trick that my Grandma couldn't remember and found from another Grandma's wisdom that mixing in a spoonful peanut butter does the trick perfectly. (Though my Grandma insists this was not the method she ever used, it does have rave reviews).

I will be trying that out the next time I burn a pot of beans.

Until next time on "Grandma Says", in the meantime keep your food from meeting an unsightly and premature end in the trash.

Enemies of the Heart - Book Review

2011-11-02T23:31:00.000-07:00

I recently received "Enemies of the Heart" by Andy Stanley from Waterbrook Multnomah's Blogging for Books program. If you like to read and write reviews, you really ought to check out their program at Blogging for Books.

First and foremost, let me ask you this:
How are you doing? This is not one of those questions you can brush off and say, “I’m fine, thanks, and you?” Really stop and take a deep look inside yourself, at your heart. How is your heart doing?

Think about it for a moment. Anything eating away at you?

If you are struggling with any of the four enemies of the heart: guilt, anger, jealousy, greed (even lust – though it is not a true enemy of the heart as God did create it), I urge you to pick up and read Enemies of the Heart. It has been one of the most eye opening, revelatory books I have read since, well – since reading Eat to Live. What Eat to Live has done for my physical body (down 12 pounds now, thank you very much) Enemies of the Heart has done for my soul. If emotional baggage could be quantified in pounds, I have lost 100 lbs after reading this book.

Lately I have been struggling with sadness, and anger. Especially anger. So, so much anger. I am good at bottling up the anger on the inside, keeping it locked up and hidden away. Most people I know I don't allow to see the anger surface – but just ask my husband or my girls. They know.

Why is it that we take out our pain and hurt on the one’s that we love the most? Not that I’ve ever meant to hurt them of course, but it seeps out when my guard is let down. Seeps out in subtle ways most of the time, and when my 'soda bottle' has just been shook too much it explodes out of control before I can do anything but clean up the mess.

It was right after one such anger ‘soda bomb’ that I realized I needed to get control of the root of my problem and I found Enemies of the Heart on the Blogging for Books approved books for me to review. The Lord works in wonderful ways!

Pastor Andy Stanley takes passages from the Bible – straight from Jesus’ own words in his many parables – and explains step by step what it is that Christ calls us to do as Christians to do to overcome each of the four enemies of the heart: guilt, anger, jealousy, and greed.

My favorite section was on forgiveness (remember my anger?) when he used the parable in Matthew 18:23-27 about the servant whose debt is is canceled by his master, a debt he would never have been able to repay no matter how long he lived. Then this servant who's just had his debt canceled for him turns around and throws a fellow servant who owed him just a small amount into prison because of what was owed to him (which was legal for him to do).

Forgiveness then is completely canceling a debt someone owes to us, someone who does not deserve to be forgiven on their own merit. No, we forgive because Christ canceled out our debts, debts we would never be able to repay Him back for in even a quadrillion years. It is not only good for us to forgive because it frees our hearts from the chains of anger, but it is downright hypocritical of us not to forgive a minor debt from a fellow human when our life debt was canceled out for us in Christ's own blood. That my friends, is powerful. I am a grown woman and I have never looked at and viewed forgiveness in quite this way. Yes, I have always known that we are called to forgive because He has forgiven us - but knowing that and actually having it embed in your heart are two totally different things. Listen to the power of Christ's words to us:

“Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” (Matthew 18:32-35)

(And sometimes you have to re-forgive the same people for the same thing, and keep giving it to the Lord. That's okay. When you feel like they owe you, remind yourself that that debt has been canceled. The feelings won't necessarily go away suddenly, but the fact remains: they don't owe you anything anymore).

This is a book that I feel strongly everyone should read. Go right now and get it. No, I'm serious - buy it now if you can, especially if you have not yet mastered the habit to confess, forgive, give, and celebrate each other (especially those we are easily jealous of).

You can read an excerpt from the book HERE.

"Watch over your heart with all diligence for from it flow the springs of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

****
Disclaimer: I received this book for free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group for this review. No other compensation was given, my review was not affected by this compensation in any way.

NaNoWriMo Begins In . . .

2011-10-31T16:06:00.000-07:00

. . . .7 hours and 55 minutes and 14 seconds.

Today may be Halloween, but it should be renamed NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) Eve.

Tomorrow, with hundreds of thousands of other ~~deranged~~ ~~unbalanced~~ ~~half-brained~~ enthusiastic writers, I am throwing every spare minute, every precious ounce of energy, and each brain cell into writing over the next month to reach a word goal of 50,000 by the end of November. If you're interested in what I'm writing feel free to check out my (very neglected) writing blog here.

But do not worry dear friends. I have several blog posts already written, ready and waiting to go for November. I will keep posting a weekly picture for the Project 52: Glimpse Into Motherhood. I have also lined up some exciting guest posts, all just to ensure this blog does not become stagnant while I spend hours a day pecking away at the keyboard to reach a daily word goal of roughly 2,000 on my novel (I just love the way that sounds, 'my novel'). That's how much I care about you.

Anyone else is participating in NaNoWriMo with me this year? Are you as excited/nervous/terrified as I am?

Anyone?

P.S. If you are a participating this year - come be my friend over there. I need all the support and encouragement I can.

At Grandma's House

2011-10-30T00:10:00.000-07:00

When the girls are old and gray they will look back and remember their Grandma's house as if it was something out of a storybook. They will cherish their memories of the times they climbed up on the wooden swing, where they stayed for hours {at least what seemed like hours} just swaying back and forth laughing, singing songs and having no cares in the world but going faster, and higher.

They will remember how it was at Grandma's house when they truly fell in love with nature, and gardening:

They will tell their grandchildren and great-grandchildren stories that begin:

And they'll recall all the places they got lost, explored, discovered, relaxed, and soaked in the Creator's beautiful canvases everywhere they looked. How it was that one day on a summer break at Grandma's house they discovered their passion for art, or gardening, or bird watching, or reading, or writing, or . . .

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.

Isaiah 55:12

Grandma Says: Blue Your Whites

2011-10-28T00:11:00.000-07:00

I am beginning a 'regular' post {as in I will post many of these themed posts as time goes on - I have no unrealistic expectations that it will be on a specific day of the week, on a certain hour every week, while I stand on one foot and jump) entitled "Grandmda Says" in hopes of spreading and sharing the wealth of knowledge and advice from my wonderful Grandmother. I daily learn from her, and I want to pass this knowledge on.

You're welcome.

Today's advice is on the study of the all consuming laundry. Personal backstory: Nobody ever taught me the finite points of laundering. I learned how to work the machine, to sort the color from the whites and what water temperature each load should have (all based off the nifty guides directly on the washing machine). That was the extent of my laundry education. Everything else has just been trial and error through years of experience. I thought I was an 'expert' laundress at this point. Oh, how wrong I was.

"I don't know how you sort clothes," she beings as I take her full {and unsorted} laundry basket.

"But I like to put the blue's clothes with the whites to make the whites whiter. Do you ever do that?"

Hmmawhat? Come again? Blue makes white whiter? Am I the last person to ever learn this? And why am I just finding out about this now?

Here is some more helpful information about why bluing your whites works (basically no white is just white-white - and the blue-shade of white is the whitest. Think snow, and blue ice). They even sell a blue 'bluing' rinse to put in the wash help make your whites whiter. I'm not sure how much laundering blue clothes with white clothes works to make the whites whiter, but at the very least it can't hurt!

To read more about bluing check out Mama's Laundry Talk, and Old and Interesting.

Don't let bleach happen to your whites any more! Blue is the way of the ~~future~~ past - the way of the ~~future~~ past, the way of the ~~future~~ past! {1000 points if you can name that movie}

What about you, have you been bluing your whites for years like an old pro, or is this the first you've heard of such fancy laundering techniques?

Life as a Musical

2011-10-27T00:03:00.000-07:00

You know in the movies when out of nowhere a the cast bursts into song and perfectly choreographed dance? Its perfect. Its beautiful. Its absolute rubbish. No one does that in real life!

Except it turns out: me. Maybe its a mom thing, or maybe its just a 'me' thing, but when I hear a phrase that reminds me of a song before you can say, "Don't be so corny!" I burst out singing the first song that pops into my head. I can't shut the music off. It takes on a life of its own. I'll even change up the lyrics as I sing to fit any situation. For instance I may hear Eleanor shout angrily:

"Annabelle! Don't! Stop!"

And my first response is Journey's "Don't Stop Beliving" with my own lyrics belted out as theatrical as I can:

"Don't stop your lovin'! Hold on to that feelin'! Sister's are people! Don't stop your lovin'! Hold on to that feelin'! Sister's are people. . . !"

They laugh. We sing some more. We keep playing.

This happens all through the day with old hymns, kids songs of all variety, contemporary pop music, contemporary Christian, country - it doesn't matter, its all fair game {except rap. I refuse to rap - or hard rock. Or screamer. Or disco. No wait, never-mind. I do a little disco.)

Both girls have caught on to this habit of bursting into song at the most random moments. Annabelle will hear 'A,' or "B" and start singing the 'ABC's," or hear light, and start singing "This Little Light of Mine." Eleanor is constantly singing and picking up new songs, like this song she learned from cousin Courtney the other day:

Life is just better set to music, isn't it?

We start the day singing, "Good Morning to You/Good morning to you/ How are you today?"

We have a song we pray before we begin our prayers: "When its time to pray I bend my knees, fold my hands, close my eyes/When its time to pray I do these things, and then I talk to Jesus."

We sing, "Come into our hearts," after we pray. We sing the abc's as we go to the bathroom. We sing a song as we go to nap and go to bed.

I'm not a 'singer,' I have no idea what 'tone,' or 'pitch' or 'harmonize' are - but I sure know how to make a joyful noise, and so do my children.

Make a joyful noise to the LORD, all the earth. Serve the LORD with gladness: come before Him with joyful singing.

Psalms 100: 1,2

Flossing Your Heart

2011-10-24T23:21:00.000-07:00

As I was busy with Annabelle in the bathroom (as most stories these days begin), Eleanor slunk off to my bathroom and found my floss (which is pretty amazing considering the dust it must have been under) and proceeded to pull the floss from the container to her hearts content. I stumbled upon the a cozy nest of floss sitting in the middle of my bedroom floor and my first instinct {after stiffing frustration} was to try to put the floss back into its container {since all I do all day is put things away}.

Now, this just could be because I am naive and incompetent {I'm not denying this}- but for the life of me no matter how hard I tried I simply could not feed the floss back inside the container, or open the container to re-wind the floss. Nope, once the floss is out, its out. There is no pretending it didn't come out, or pretending that you don't care it came out. Its a mess that you have to fix. Luckily with floss its an easy solution: cut it all off and throw it away {or if you're a saver like me: put it in a baggy and cut pieces off with scissors as needed}.

This got me thinking about words. Once a word comes flying out of your mouth, no matter what you do or say - there is no taking it back. If in anger you spray out a giant bucket of diarrhea of the mouth onto someone you love (or even someone you don't) - its impossible to swallow the word diarrhea like it had never happened. No, you have to deal with the consequences of your words. Unfortunatley dealing with the consqunces of carelessly throwing out too many meaningless and hurtful words is not as easy to just cut off and throw away (or use as needed) like floss. You actually have to acknowledge the mistake, and then follow through with the even more difficult task of apologizing.

Even beyond apologizing, the most important part of making sure you don't have to deal with the mess again is figuring out how to keep those hurtful, angry words from flowing unbidden from your tongue: control your anger, temper your words so that everyone who knows you comes to learn that everything that flows from your mouth has been thought through rationally and respectfully, and has value and meaning. And this is most important: that your words can be trusted, and their hearts can be trusted with you.

Our children minds are the most amazing sponges, and each word that comes out of our mouths is soaked up into their mind, never to be forgotten. (I am positive this is just so they can use those words you never meant to say against you at the very worst time imaginable. Bless their little hearts.}

The dentist shames you into flossing your teeth daily, but it is even more important to dust off the best floss for your thoughts: the Word of God, and daily use the Bible to floss the plaque and tarter from building around your heart and preventing nasty cavities from forming. Keep up the daily heart floss and you just might save yourself - and all the members of your family - some major heart surgery.

"Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life." Proverbs 4:23

Heather writing at Saved by Love has written a very helpful post on this topic: 5 Simple Steps to Defuse Angry Mom

Clearly, this is a work in progress for me, or else it wouldn't be on my mind - but it is a work that I have been putting forth 100% of my effort into and the improvement in heart and home has been drastic. It is amazing what a daily dose of The Word can do to fix a broken heart.

The Upside of Failure

2011-10-22T16:35:00.000-07:00

I've really been getting into this healthy eating thing, and in my recipe searching I found a recipe for vegan chocolate mouse that had pretty good reviews. It looked easy enough, and I had most of the ingredients already on hand, so I decided to give it a whirl. With a few minor tweaks of course. My cooking motto is,"Recipes are merely suggestions."

I didn't have carob, so I skipped that. I didn't want to use sugar so I subbed in stevia. I thought I'd try a little lemon juice and vanilla extract to give more flavor since I was skipping on the carob.

Bad idea. Very very bad idea.

I gave the 'chocolate mouse' to the girls to in hopes they could look past the weird aftertaste and enjoy 'dessert.'

Turns out, they could not. They took one taste of it and decided I had given them paint rather than food.

So, maybe I had?

You can't win every time. Best to just roll with the punches, enjoy the ride, and make the most of everything that comes your way; like enjoying finger paints instead of moaning over the defeat of a failed dessert.

What curve-ball in your life can you make the most of today?

Heard Around, Part Septième (7)

2011-10-21T15:47:00.000-07:00

"Suck it!" Annabelle cries reaching for the binki that I take away from her.   She is a sucking fiend, and the house rule is that binki's are only for nap and bedtime. So, if she can't suck on a binki, or ~~suck on~~ - eerrr - nurse (since we weaned back in August), she is bound and determined to suck on any part of my body that she can get her mouth on and cries "suck it!" as she chases me around. Its not awkward at all.

*                             *    *                             *

Eleanor walks into my bedroom after cleaning the playroom and announces, "Oh my goodness I am so exhausted. I need a drink!"

She meant water, ya'all - water.

*                             *    *                             *

"Thanks for being so patient with me, Heidi," Grandma says getting into the car after a trip to the yarn shop.

"Oh of course. No problem!" I reply.

"Mother - do not tell Grandma no!" Eleanor scolds me in best mommy voice from her car seat.

On the one hand, she's being disrespectful to me - but on the other hand she is looking out for Grandma. Grandma trumps me, ergo Eleanor is still being respectful. That's how it works, right?

*                             *    *                             *

"Elmo! Elmo!" Annabelle calls from her high chair at breakfast (or really anywhere, anytime of the day or night. However, this particular story took place in her high chair).

A little exacerbated with hearings shouts of 'Elmo,' Grandma asks Annabelle:
"What has Elmo ever done for you?"

Annabelle pauses, looks at Great-Grandma seriously, shrugs her shoulders and holds out her palms face up, "Well? Sings! Happy!" she says slowly and pointedly, making sure we all understood her loud and clear.

You can't scoff at happiness - even if it's source is ~~an obnoxious~~ a silly red monster.

A Christian's Dilemma: To Halloween Party or Not?

2011-10-18T22:52:00.000-07:00

The year is 1948. The leaves on the tree's have transformed into vibrant shades of red, gold, and brown. A crisp wind nips the night air, and young lady wrapped in a knee-length wool coat graces the arm of her dashing escort, her husband of only two years. Together they enter a brightly lit, cheerful home and are welcomed with the warmth of laughter and merriment of their family and friends. The house pours out its love from each crack and crevice, promising everyone who enters the shelter of home.

The young man takes the coat from his wife as they enter the too-warm home, and together they greet her parents with hugs and kisses. They quickly move through the house greeting and catching up with dear friends. Presently, an ice cream maker is produced and the young couple and their friends work on the task of making ice cream: chocolate and orange sorbet. Each of the guests take a turn at the wooden crank of the ice cream maker. They sing songs as they churn the crank - spinning the bowl of sugar and cream past the salty ice as fast as they can pump it.

After the guests have exhausted their strength turning the crank, the young woman's mother, the revered hostess of the gathering, brings the merry makers into the living room where she has each person tie a blindfold around their eyes. The young adults wait expectantly in their seats for the tricks to come. The young husband takes hold of the first object and moves it around slowly in his hands - small, round, cold, and slimy. The intent is clear, and he passes the object to his young wife on his right, who feels the object - makes her guess of 'eye balls,' and passes it on. The young man is handed yet another object: wet, cold spaghetti noodles that slip and slide through his fingers, as he scrambles to take hold of noodles he silently concludes, "intestines," and passes it to his wife. The group howls in laughter as they play "The Withered Corpse," and the men poke fun at the ladies as they scream in fright when the 'eye ball's and 'intestines' slip and slide through their delicate hands. More objects are passed around, more screams and groans of delight are heard through the house.

The hostess instructs the guests to take off their blindfolds and turn their chairs to face the outside wall where they notice a white sheet has been hung. The lights dim, and a small light appears from behind the sheet that instantly throws moving shadows on the curtain, showing in shadow a doctor performing surgery on her patient. Music crackles from the record player, enchanting the audience to the story playing on the screen while the guests are served the rewards of their hard earned work with the Acme ice cream freezer. Pop corn drizzled in oil and salt is produced and passed around. The young couple leans against each other, sharing their ice cream and a bag of popcorn, enjoying the company of their friends and family; enjoying the comfort found in each other, and the merriment of the night, and especially the sight of their mother (and mother-in-law), the respected Mrs. J. H. White, acting so gaily behind the curtain.

*****
Fall of 2011. My grandmother pushes her walker, and I push the girls in their stroller as we walk past our neighbors homes decked out in spider webs, pumpkins, and signs that boast, "You call me a witch like its a bad thing." Suddenly memories of Halloween's past flow from her memory, and as she tells me the stories I realize I had never given much thought to how my grandmother celebrated Halloween. I suppose I had assumed they never had participated in any Halloween celebrations or parties. My grandfather being a pastor, and my grandmother just as devout in her faith as he had evoked images of the two of them with their church hosting bible studies or avoiding the day altogether.

As we walk through the park, my grandma weaves the story of the parties that her mother threw (the mother that spent 9 years as a missionary in china, and wrote christian novels, and books of poetry and sabbath school lessons, and . . . ). As she describes to me the gaiety of their celebrations, my mind whirls with thoughts: surprise turns to questions, turns to understanding, and finally to full appreciation. I begin to see these women whose blood runs through my veins, and their lives and faith in a whole new light. A light I bask in.

* * * * *

The topic of Halloween is controversial for Christians: ignore the day completely, participate in "Harvest Parties," go trick-or-treating in non-witch/ghost/goblin/demon costumes, or host bible study sit-ins and prayer groups? Celebrations on Halloween are held in quite a different light than other pagan-based celebrations (*ahem* Easter and Christmas) which almost all Christians celebrate without the guilt that Halloween celebrations heap on believers.

Are we as Christians allowed to have fun, enjoy celebrations, family and friends? Even on Halloween? My evangelical conservative grandparents and great-grandparents said yes. Why? What does the bible have to say - if anything? I like what James Walkins has to say on the subject in his article 'Should Christians Celebrate Halloween," when he writes

The Apostle Paul deals with these [Halloween] kinds of issues when he addresses meat offered to pagan idols. Is this wrong for the Christian—who doesn't believe in the false gods to whom the meat was offered— to eat meat offered to idols? Here's Paul's advice:

So then, about eating food sacrificed to idols: We know that an idol is nothing at all in the world and that there is no God but one. For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many "gods" and many "lords"), yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.

But not everyone knows this. Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat such food they think of it as having been sacrificed to an idol, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled. But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.

Be careful, however, that the exercise of your freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who have this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, won't he be emboldened to eat what has been sacrificed to idols? So this weak brother, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. When you sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause him to fall (1 Corinthians 8:4-13).

If Paul were alive today, he might write something like . . .

Don't worry about the ancient association of these holidays with paganism since we know there are no gods of sun and death, and that the dead don't roam the earth. You're not appeasing Samhain when you go "trick-or-treating" or sacrificing to the gods by carving a jack-o-lantern. But if your family or friends have reservations about these things, don't encourage them to do something they feel is "sinful."

At least that's my opinion among the nearly one thousand other perspectives."

I agree with Mr. Walkins interpretations fully.   And let us remember too that God created joy in us, the ability and desire to enjoy life and each other. We who have the faith and the assurance on Halloween that there has already been One that has triumphed over the grave should have no fear of death or the 'threat' that the day holds for some. We know that there are no such things as ghosts and zombies, as 'the dead know nothing," (Ecclesiastes 9:5). There is no fear in death, and as the leaves come falling to their death, reminding us of our own mortality we can celebrate with our friends and family the joy of our living now.

Whether you participate in celebrations on Halloween, or near, or whatever you choose to do - may you find joy in the life that He gave and saved for you for with the family and the friends that He blessed you with.

As for me, I'm looking forwarding to enjoying the blessings of a large bonfire shared with friends and family, hayrides to take, pumpkins to carve and paint, and caramel apples and caramel popcorn balls to savor.

Note: My grandmother would like to make clear that they never have and never will endorse participating in anything related to spiritualism or the occult as part of any celebration. They simply endorse having fun, and not being so 'stiff,' joyless, and solemn all the time, (which is why so many young people probably feel that the church is too judgmental). Life is meant to be enjoyed! Just as it is okay to not celebrate Halloween in any fashion, there is also nothing wrong with getting together to have fun with friends and family, yes - even on Halloween.

**Historical Note for those interested: The shadow play behind the curtain that my great-grandmother used as entertainment was most likely discovered in 9 years living in China, where shadow play - a precursor to modern theater - has been an important part of their culture.
*****Additional Historical Note for Family: Grandma's brother Don was killed in a car accident that Halloween night of 1948 that I wrote of. The family learned of it the next day. Great-grandma never hosted another Halloween party.

{Healthy} Banana Oat Bars

2011-10-16T22:18:00.000-07:00

I promised I would add a few of my favorite recipes that I've been using these past few weeks as I have adapted my diet to be a 'nutritarian.' We call these "Banana Oat Bars" simply cookies in our house. Doesn't cookie just sounds much more delicious than "healthy banana oat bars?" It does, trust me. And the great thing is, I don't mind if they have seconds or thirds or even fourths of these 'cookies.' You can even have them for breakfast with the milk of your choice {almond is our favorite}, or as a quick afternoon snack.

I adapted these Banana Oat Bars (which are vegan) from one of the recipes in Eat to Live which called for coconut and dates. The girls aren't fans of coconut, so I left them out. I didn't have dates, so I put in raisins instead. They are incredibly adaptable and simple. Change the dried fruit and fresh fruit and nuts with any combination you can think of (or skip the nuts altogether). Add in whatever spices your heart desires. If you like shredded coconut, toss that in too. I also added no sugar added applesauce to add moisture and a touch more sweetness - but it is not necessary.

Here is the recipe:

Enjoy!

Keeping It Real

2011-10-13T22:39:00.000-07:00

The state of the playroom at the end of a long day, and even longer week, looks like my heart feels: cluttered, chaotic, and disorganized. Its no wonder that finally having the time to organize the playroom with the girls lightened a heavy load that had been hanging over my head. One large bag of toys to donate, and many more still to follow. How did we wind up with so much stuff?

Yes - that is Annabelle with only a shirt and underwear on (you do what you gotta do when potty training) and half-way-wearing an old butterfly costume. It's how we roll.

The (Not So) Dreaded Scale

2011-10-13T02:27:00.000-07:00

Ever since I was a little girl I have hated bathroom scales. They don't tell you how healthy you are. They play mind games. You work out and the scale goes up! They make you depressed. Scales are your worst enemy. You should focus more on how your clothes are fitting than what the scale says. What about my bones? My bones must way much more than everyone else's.

Then I read in a book, or online - or well, somewhere - recently that people who own a scale in their home and weigh themselves regularly are more likely to lose weight than to gain over a year's period. I pondered long and hard about this and determined it made sense. I also reasoned that with starting the Eat to Live Six-Week Plan I should to keep track of how quickly I was losing weight (if at all).

And, oh my word - can you say obsessed? I have never in my life been so aware of my weight. I am aware of my weight when I first wake up, after I shower, after I eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I even weigh myself in the middle of the night when I wake up to use the restroom.

The good news is the girls have seen me do this so many times they now stand on the scale, hold perfectly still, and look down expecting jellybeans to come pouring out at them. They must think I am losing my mind.

And if you're wondering: between morning and evening is a four pound fluctuation. I only count the morning weigh in. Yes. I understand weighing everyday is obsessive - but when my friend Lisa told me she was losing a pound a day after starting the six-week plan, I just had to see if I could lose a pound a day too. I am not competitive at all.

Two weeks into this eating-plan and I have lost 7 pounds, and {ignoring the emotional upheavals and many life stresses} I feel great. So great, in fact, I decided to finally go to The Store {Ahem. Target.} to celebrate with a new pair of jeans. The first new pair of jeans since I got pregnant with Annabelle. Yes, that's right - my first pair of new jeans in over two years. Part of me worried about buying a new pair when I still have 4 more weeks to go on this plan, and potentially (in a perfect world) 20 pounds to lose. But I thought - nah, forget it! Yo homes to Bel-air!

So, you know how you always think you're thinner than you really when you are staring the jean sizes down, so you pull from the rack a size smaller than you really are because well - you could have dropped a size between leaving the house and getting to the store? No? That's just me?

I grabbed the size smaller jeans like I normally do and thought dismally, "why do you do this to yourself - you'll just try them on, get frustrated they don't fit, get discouraged - throw the you're-too-good-for-them-anyway-jeans in the discard cart, walk off in a huff, and not end up buying anything after-all."

And now you know why its been so long since I've bought a new pair of jeans.

Sure enough, the jeans didn't fit. Only this time - they were too big. But was I happy? Oh no, no. Of course not. I even more pessimistically went out and grabbed the next size down thinking, "of course - the next size down will be way too small and I won't be able to wear any jeans comfortably. Eh, what's new?" I have had that happen to me one-too-many-times. I'm not naive.

Luckily for me my fairy god-mother joined me in that dressing room (either that, or Target is getting really good at vanity sizing), because they actually fit. Fit without having to do the awkward jump-squat-leg-lunge-and-shimmy-into-your-freshly-washed-jeans-dance, suck-in-your-gut-while-you button trick. You know what I'm talking about. The size of jeans I haven't fit into since freshman year of college actually fit. Comfortably.

And I'm only two weeks into this way of living. Let me tell you, the best motivation to keep eating so healthy is how much more comfortable I feel in my own body - and how much better I feel overall.

Yeah, sure - I have nibbled on foods that 'I'm not suppose' to nibble on, but they just don't taste as good as they use to. My taste buds are evolving and learning to enjoy food the way it was created for us to enjoy (without the mask of all that salt/butter/oil//cheese/sugar).

I will try to post a few recipes that we have all been enjoying later this week as soon as I have a chance.

Question For You: How do you feel about a bathroom scale? Do you weigh yourself regularly to guard against gaining too much weight, or do you keep in hidden away so as not to wrap up your self esteem in the numbers on a scale?

Note: This is not intended as a look-at-me, toot-my-own-horn, kind of post - my intention is to encourage others that want to lose weight, or to just eat healthier to feel better and live better, that Eat to Live really works wonders on the body and mind. If you give it time and allow yourself to adjust to the major changes in diet, the pay-off is huge (or should I say skinny?)

Explaining Death to a Child

2011-10-11T17:37:00.000-07:00

We have had many brushes with death in our home. Seven mice. Thousands of flies. Cockroaches and ants galore (please do not infer that we live in a run down hovel. We just seem to have had a bit of a pest problem is all). Through all these deaths we have never once thought to shield it from our girls. Death is a natural part of living. So, why hide it? They have done surprisingly well with handling these deaths. {I was really only worried about the mice, as mice play such important roles in our storybooks.} But they have taken it all in stride, accepted it as we have accepted it.

But not all deaths are so easy to accept. What happens when we don't accept the death of someone as easily and nonchalantly as the death of a pest?

Death hit us in such big way this weekend that I reeled for a moment and one of my first thoughts was, "How do we tell the girls? Oh, I don't want to tell the girls," because suddenly death held much more weight than the passing of an insignificant rodent or insect. (Great) Grandma Craig is a part of our lives. She is someone we love - someone we have played with and laughed with and loved, oh how we've loved. Someone that we look at in our photo albums and talk about all the fun memories that we have shared with her. She is someone that we have held not just with our arms, but with our hearts. It is not easy for either Brandon or I to accept her sudden passing, and I knew this alone was going to make a big impression on Eleanor.

Luckily, Annabelle has no clue, she is still too young to really understand. But Eleanor? She gets it. She's seen what a dead mouse and a dead fly is, and she knows where they go when they die: the trash.

"Where will Grandma Craig go?" Eleanor asked me yesterday with big concerned eyes, and instinctively I knew what she was thinking. I eased her fears, and talked about Heaven, reminding her about the songs we've sung about heaven, and how when Jesus comes again we'll meet her there. For now it is just like Grandma is sleeping peacefully, awaiting Jesus to come again to take us to Heaven with Him. When that day comes we'll have one big reunion, and get to play with Grandma Craig and all the animals that she loved so much again.

Then Eleanor asks a lot of questions about who else will be in heaven with us (mommy? daddy? sister? Grandma? Papa? Grandma-with-the-walker?), and then she asks me with her big sad eyes, "Mommy, can we please take Grandma Craig to my hospital so they can make her better again? They can make her better at my hospital!" How assuring it is to be able to tell her that there is One that can make her whole again one day. What an amazing hope we have in Jesus!

"Because I love her, I don't like her to die," Eleanor says to me as we look through pictures of Grandma. "I don't like dying," she said.

"Me either, kiddo. Me either."

Then it happens, the hardest question of all.

"Why did she die, mom?"

Thud. What to say? Don't mess this up, don't mess this up.

"Well. . . . uh . . . when you get older that is just what happens. Everyone dies, sweetheart," sweat pours out of every single one of my pores. Will it be sufficient? Will she understand? Should I say more? Explain exactly what happened?

"Oh yea," she says processing, "like our clothes get old," uh oh.

"Well, not exactly like clothes . . ."

"Yeah, and when our clothes get old - we sell them!" She says excitedly, making an important connection. "Do we sell old people?" She asks solemnly.

Ugh. I knew I was going to mess this up.

(Our last visit with Grandma Craig this summer)

Grandma, we miss you more than tongue can tell, and oh! How we look forward to the day when we will be reunited again in the glory of the resurrection. Until we meet again --

We love you more than tongue can tell, than tongue can tell, than tongue can tell!

True vs. Toxic Hunger {Giveaway Winner}

2011-10-07T16:55:00.000-07:00

At the end of my review of Eat to Live I asked you tell me how you know when you are hunger - and all of you answered the way I would have - my stomach growls, it feels empty, I know I need to fill it!

I was shocked to discover that that is not actually hunger. I'll give you a moment for that to sink in. No really, its not! Trust me. I had a hard time with this information too. Especially since I can feel my stomach growling right this instant. Isn't that hunger? No? I had to look it up. Many times. This is legit folks. I even quadruple checked it - see for yourself: source1, source2, source3, source4.

We could go our whole lives without ever experiencing true hunger. This makes our nation one of the most overfed and malnourished in the world. Overweight and undernourished. It doesn't even seem like its possible. But its disgustingly easy.

So yes, I'm telling you everything that we've felt our whole lives is a lie. Its not real hunger. Isn't it a devastating feeling to find out headaches, fatigue, nausea, weakness, confusion and irritability, abdominal and esophageal spasm, fluttering and cramping in the stomach. . . all the symptoms that we have ever felt that have told us "put food in my body now!" is not really true hunger at all but toxic hunger.

Toxic hunger symptoms are the same (mild) symptoms a person goes through when withdrawing from drugs or alcohol. Which I guess means everyone I know is an addict. Does that make me a hippie?

Now the tough question, is this an addiction I really want to give up? You just try to take away someone's meat/dairy/soda/ice cream/candy/addiction of choice and find out how truly addicted they are. On second thought, no better not. You may not escape with your life. Even the mere suggestion of taking away these foods in my home has caused me to be met with serious mistrust and violent-looks while hoarding the aforementioned foods. Its not pretty people.

To know true hunger, you will feel a gnawing sensation in the throat, have increased salivation, and enhanced taste sensations, (pg. 154 EtL). I have never felt this. Have you? According to the good doctor it can even take up to two-to-fours months of eating a very healthy diet to detoxify your body and reach the state of being able to feel this true hunger. Sounds long and painful. Or, I have read that you can fast until you begin to feel true hunger, and pick up with your healthy eating after that. Fasting has never appealed to me, but I am curious to see if I can feel this 'true hunger,' so I may do it. Maybe. All in the same of science, that is.

I am still doing the 'six-week eating plan,' and the pros: I'm eating healthy. I'm losing weight. Even with all the beans I'm eating, I'm not gassy or bloated. Its a win-win for everyone.

Cons: I can't stop thinking about salted caramel ice cream, peanut butter truffle's, pumpkin cake rolls, and this peanut butter truffle mouse cheesecake.
Oh and chocolate caramel tarts.

Honestly, I must stop torturing myself.

Now for the lucky winner of Eat to Live.

Congratulations LG!! You did not leave me your email so I have no way to contact you personally. Please leave me your email in a comment below, and if I don't hear from you before Monday I will draw another winner.

Happy weekend friends!

Potty Training Catch-Up

2011-10-04T16:10:00.000-07:00

It has been almost about a month since we began our potty training adventures with Annabelle. And, oh this tongue can't begin to describe to you the gauntlet my emotions have been whipped through.

I have cried.

Thought about giving up.

Been elated.

Sure I am doing the right thing training her now.

Completely torn up inside, could I be ruining her chances at a normal life one day?

But through it all - (for the most part - I'm not perfect ya'all) I have remained calm and cool on the surface. Sure, there are moments I have been less than proud of myself, but let's not focus on that, k?

See, she began this journey very strong. Annabelle would tell me she had to go before she went, and would have only one accident in her training underwear a day. And now? She hides it from me and has even cried a few times "mine!" when I take her to the potty - as if I am torturing her by taking her bodily wastes away from her. But I am calm, but mostly stubborn, and we are not going back to disposable diapers. I will wash loads of these training underwear every day if I have to (and I do). I liken it to using cloth diapers now instead of disposables. And no one was ruined by wearing cloth diapers, right? There is no point in her wearing diapers so she can stay dry and pretend to herself that she didn't wet herself. She will feel it, and one of these ~~days~~ ~~weeks~~ months she will learn to control it. I'm patient. I am calm. She will get there in her own time with my patient coaching, modeling, and sitting her on the potty, even after she's wet herself and doesn't have to go more (though most of the time she does).

We're really having a great time on the potty too. Getting her off of the potty is more of a problem than getting her on the potty.

When training Eleanor I had a basket of books and special toys in the bathroom to get her excited about going and staying on the potty. This time I have less books, and fewer toys. Sure, some days we sit and read a book, but mostly I bring the laptop into the bathroom, sit on the floor next to her (she is adamant about sitting only on her little potty - not the big toilet which morphed almost overnight into an evil succubus waiting to devour her), and we watch 1-2 Sesame Street clips from You Tube.

Here are some of our most recent favorite clips:

A Glee spoof on the letter G.
And Sue as a Muppet? Even more hilarious than the 'real' Sue. This whole clip is full of win.

The Deadliest Catch Spoof of The Heaviest Catch
Was Captain Heartburn his name in real life? If so, how did I miss that?
Eleanor now likes to say, "Is this the heaviest catch?" As she carries her toys up the stairs, or if she's struggling with something, "Oh I can't do it - its the heaviest catch!"

"Everyone makes mistakes, so why can't you?"
"Even you mom? You make mistakes?" Eleanor asks me now. Yes. Everyone makes mistakes!

Feist Sings about her favorite number 4.
"1, 2, 3, 4 Chickens just back from the shore," now that's cage free!

India Arie Sings the ABCs with Elmo.

Both girls have learned this version of the ABCs and sing and dance/bob along. Its very catchy. Much more fun than the "regular ol' ABCs"

Heard Around, Part Sixième (Part Six)

2011-10-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

"No, I want to stay up for lots of longs!" Eleanor pleaded when I told her it was time for nap. She now uses "lots of longs" for anything that she wants a lot of. I think I will cry when she stops using it.

*                             *                             *                                *
Another nap-time adventure laying Eleanor down for nap she announces, "Mommy I don't want to sleep! I want you to stay here with me forever!"

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I have to leave - but don't fall asleep! Whatever you do! Its just quiet time, stare up at the ceiling and don't close your eyes - keep them wide open, remember don't let them close!!"

"But what if I want to close my eyes?" She says fiercely.

"Oh, I suppose you could if you wanted to."

"I do want to!"

Ah, the beauty of reverse psychology.

*                             *                             *                                *

In the car back from the grocery store Eleanor announces, "Uncle Matt told us we didn't have to wear our seat belts." It has been 3 months since she stayed with Uncle Matt while she and Brandon stayed there for a few weeks this summer.   Apparently what happens at Uncle Matt's doesn't stay at Uncle Matt's anymore.

"You mean he told you you didn't have to wear your seat belt?" I asked.

"No mommy, I didn't say that!" Yeah, pretty sure you did kid.

"Okay, tell me again what you said."

"He said we didn't have to buckle this bottom part, to just clip the top together."

"Okay, I think I understand now. Do you know why he said that?"

"Hmm, I dunno!" She says happily.

Your secrets are out, Uncle Matt!

*                             *                             *                                *

"'Top it da-da!" Annabelle squeels, warding off tickles from Brandon - which sounded more like 'do-do than da-da.'

"Stop it dodo!" Eleanor bursts into fits "Dodo! Hey dodo!" More fits of laughter.

Sure glad she inherited her father's sense of humor.

Eat to Live Review {And Giveaway}

2011-10-03T07:33:00.000-07:00

If you don’t want to read my review of Eat to Live but you’ve heard of this book and want a chance to win one for yourself, skip to the bottom*

We are all addicted. And our addictions to processed (and toxic) foods are socially acceptable. Not just acceptable, but encouraged at every corner. Do we allow our children to sit around the table smoking cigarettes and throwing back shots of whiskey? The very idea is absurd, but nobody bats an eye when children sit around the table scarfing down greasy slices of pizza, French fries, hamburgers, and milk shakes. Yet that kind of diet is doing just as much damage to our children’s bodies as tobacco and alcohol, but because “it is difficult for parents to understand the insidious, slow destruction of their children’s genetic potential and the foundation for serious illness that is being built by the consumption of these foods”(pg. 21) we let them eat, we give in their cries for 'cookie'! (I am no hero - my children have cookies almost every day).

I’m not going to lie – its not going to be easy. Dr. Furhman even says, “A common criticism of my eating plan, which all knowledgeable authorities agree is healthy, is that most people won’t stick to such a restrictive regimen. This is an irrelevant point. Since when is what ‘the masses’ find socially acceptable the criterion for value? All those naysayers have missed the point; my plan was not designed to win a popularity contest,” (pg. 313, 314).

(To find out more about the six-week eating plan go here)

God has called us to be stewards of our bodies. We were not created just to eat, God created food so that we could live and thrive, but how many of us really feel that we are thriving on the heavily processed diets we are eating? I don’t know if Dr. Fuhrman is a Christian, he never mentions God once in his book, but when he says, “There are subtle nuances and nutritive interactions that create disease resistance from the synergy of diversive substances in natural foods. Like a symphony orchestra whose members play in perfect harmony, our body depends on the harmonious interactions of nutrients, both known and unknown. By supplying a rich assortment of natural foods, we best maximize the function of the human masterpiece,” (pg. 146), I can’t help but see how wonderful our Creator is that He made such perfect food for us to stay healthy and fight disease.

The great thing about this diet is you never have to count calories (which I’m horrible at) or eat small portions of food (which I’m even worse at) or workout 500 times a day (you don’t have to exercise at all to lose if you don’t have the ability to). You get to eat large amounts of really delicious food and still lose weight (I’ve already lost five pounds in a week, and I’ve hardly been as strict with the six-week plan as I should be). I can’t prove this from myself, but it has been known to reverse heart disease, drastically lower cholesterol and triglycerides, and can completely get rid of type II diabetes. It has a high nutrient density for a powerful way to prevent cancer and gives the opportunity to rid yourself of many chronic health problems related to the toxic foods we stuff our faces with. Read these Success Stories.

I could go on and on about this book, but I will restrain myself. You need to read it for yourself. Seriously. Don’t just skim it or use it as a resource, really read it. This tongue of mine can’t tell you enough how important it is that everybody {even those that think they are fit and healthy already} read this book and share it with their loved ones. I love it so much; I’m giving away a copy. Now that’s love.

Next up on my to read: Disease Proof Your Child, and Eat for Health (which is very similar to Eat to Live though it gives 4 stages of gradual eating changes reducing the amount of animal products and processed foods instead of the radical changes that Eat to Live would have you make)

* * * * *

To enter for a chance to win a copy of Eat to Live, in the comments section below answer me this: How do you know when you are hungry?

Don't forget to leave me your email so if you win I have a way to contact you.

And because I really want to spread health knowledge, for an extra entry re-blog this post and let me know in the comments.

I’ll leave this open for submissions until Thursday Oct. 6 and will announce the winner Friday.

Note: This giveaway is sponsored by me, myself, and I. Dr. Fuhrman has no idea who I am. I could stroke out this moment and he would never know or care. I just think he’s brilliant and we all have something to learn from him.

Little Victories

2011-09-27T16:36:00.000-07:00

I hear the wheels of Annabelle's chair scrap across the kitchen floor and bump up onto the threshold between the tile of the kitchen and the carpet of the living room. There is a standing 'no moving Annabelle's high chair at all' rule in our house, and I let out my little sing-song, "Uh-oh!" to remind Eleanor quickly that what she is doing is off limits. Our eyes lock. In that moment I see her grapple between right and wrong. I give her The Look and she takes it as a challenge and bolts, taking the high chair with her.

"Okay, time out!" I call, and she drags the high chair only further into the living room. Its on wheels, so its easy to do, but its a big no-no and she knows it. I jump up from the kitchen table to take her to time out, and she lets out a blood-curdling scream.

"Okay! I'm going!" She yells, abandoning the chair in the middle of the living room and makes a bee-line for the couch in the family room: our designated 'Phase One' for time-outs. She screams each step of the way.

"I'm putting the timer on - but you may not scream like that in the living room - its hurts all of our ears. If you really feel you must keep screaming, that's your decision, but you can do that in the car." The car is the designated 'Phase Two' of time outs, which sits in our attached garage. I take her there when she throws her out-of-control-screaming-throwing-her-body-everywhere tantrums.

"No! You can't! Don't you talk to me like that!" She screams at me.

"Uh-oh, what a bummer that you're being so disrespectful and out of control. The car it is then," I say calmly, and walk to pick her up from the couch and the closer I get the louder her screams and the more violently she moves her body.

I'm shocked my ears aren't literally bleeding, and think about investing in ear plugs.

I reach to pick her up she swats me across the face. Did I say swats? No, slaps. "Uh oh, Eleanor, you should never hit me or anyone ever," I say as calmly as I can, but my voice levels rise despite my best efforts to stay even-tempered.

I carry her convulsing body to the car and manage to strap her into the car seat. I prop the car door slightly open and leave, closing the garage door behind me. The great thing about Phase Two is that she can't hurt herself, and we can't hear her screams.

I re-set the timer and attempt to finish my now cold oatmeal. Annabelle plays happily on the floor, oblivious to Chaos that her sister has insisted on inviting to the house yet again.

The timer buzzes and I build my courage, expecting to encounter a fresh onslaught of screams and slaps.

I re-enter the garage and am assaulted not by screams, but quiet. Dead quiet. Suspicious, I open the car door wide - expecting to find that she's unbuckled herself and is now wrecking havoc on the car. Instead, I find her smiling back at me, still buckled into the seat, waiting patiently for me.Before I can say or do anything she says, "I'm sorry for not listening mommy, and I'm sorry for not talking to you nice. I won't ever do that again. I don't want to talk to you like that. I'm so sorry momma."

I'm so startled words escape me for a moment. I unstrap her and tell her "Oh Eleanor, what a big girl you are apologizing to me and acting so grown-up." I'm proud. Nearly bursting with it. She leaps into my arms and wraps her little arms tight around my neck, her legs curl instinctively around my middle.

"I love you so much mommy," she whispers into my neck.

"I love you too, sweetheart, and I'm so glad you don't want to talk or act like that again. It makes me so happy to hear you say that."

"Me too mommy!" she says cheerfully. I don't hold out any real hope, she is three after-all. But I am grateful for the small things, like the fact that she recognizes that the way she behaved was wrong, and wants to do better. The past few months with a rebelling three-year-old have been rough, and this is the first glimmer of hope she's given me that what I've been teaching her is sinking it. I feel victorious.

I am not naive, I know that she will not suddenly become the angelic child I dream she can be, but I am grateful just for her desire to want to have control over her actions and words. Its the little things.

***
***

I'm participating again in Just Write with Heather over at The Extraordinary Ordinary.

A History to Break

2011-09-22T23:10:00.000-07:00

(Picture Source)

I am from freshly turned garden rows, from Rototillers and containers of live lady bugs.

I am from moving from one home to another, never in one place long enough to ever take root.

I am from the dirt of the earth, and river waters that never lay still.

I am from games of charades and talent shows galore, of speaking your mind, from not-the-son-for-my-father, from too many women and not enough men.

I am from the depths of despair and rising from the ashes with Christ ever with us.

From No TV on Sabbath, and pork is the devil.

I am from Seventh-Day Adventists. No dancing and watches for rings. Potlucks and wading -never swimming - on Sabbath. From Christ as our Savior, the Rock of our faith.

I’m from the great golden state, both the bay and the Valley of Angels. Haystacks and fresh homemade Belgian waffles each Sunday for brunch.

From the grandfather who lost both brothers in WWII, who was brought home from the action, like in Saving Private Ryan (without all the extra drama). From the mother who awoke after 6 weeks of coma - after the doctors had given no hope, when grave plot and casket had already been bought. From the brilliant father who struggled with mental illness since just a teen and who life has never been fair to.

I am from my father's law office, where games of the Hen and the Fox kept my sister and I busy while our parents both worked.

From the child's seat on the back of my mother's bicycle, and the endless trips exploring the U.S. of A.

I am from the the cases of VHS tapes that capture our youth - that tell of the happy moments we managed to carve out those too few years before disease of the mind and injuries sustained were more powerful than their love not quite strong enough to hold us together.

I am from a history to break.

____
____

This post was written for the Where I'm From prompt from MamaKats Writers Workshop, although I had already been writing something eerily similar - minus the poem template.

Washed Alive

2011-09-20T00:06:00.000-07:00

I sit in the middle of the bathroom floor
My little girls each sit on a potty
One real, the other a 'fake.'

My head is empty,
My body - just an empty exoskeleton some child at the beach discarded, no use for such a useless item.

Eleanor finishes and flushes --
I hear the sound of the shower turn on behind me,
I feel I am looking down at my body,
Watching - waiting to see how the body below will respond.

Annabelle wiggles off her potty seat - successful again.
Yet I feel nothing.
No joy. No excitement.

Eleanor rinses the 'fake' potty in the tub.
Sometimes she is more mature and helpful for her age -
And I expect more.
So when she acts like the three year old she is,
I get more frustrated than I should.
As we both have been all day.

I sit there seeing it all, yet unable to respond
My lips are frozen.
My body numb.
My mind blank.

The shower runs on, water splashing against the tile on onto my cheek
The sensation shocks me awake for a moment.
But just a moment.

I hear the falling of the water hitting the tub floor.
It calls to me.

Eleanor moves the hose carefully in her hands,
Cleans each corner of the tub with care,
Always meticulous in her work.
Disconnected from my mind
I find my body moving towards the tub.
Something unnamed and unseen beckons me 'Come'
Like a strange man in a van calling to a lost child.

I sit on the edge of the tub, my back to the bath
Carefully I lower myself, sliding my way gently into the tub
          Fully clothed.

Its cold.
Freezing!
But I don't care.
I feel alive, really alive, for the first time all day,
And I sink fully into the welcoming arms of the large vessel.

"What are you doing mommy, you're going to get wet!"
Eleanor screams.
She is concerned, as she ought.
I have surely lost my marbles, she's not stupid.
Surely I have.
Why else would I be sitting in a tub being hosed down with freezing water?
         Fully clothed.
              And enjoying it.

"Don't worry," I mumble, "I can change my clothes," I sooth to her.
"And they'll dry, right mom?"
"Yea baby, they'll dry."

She'd been holding back, spraying only my bare legs and feet
Careful not to get my clothes more wet than she could help.
But as I give her permission - she lets loose
Head to toe she soaks my body with the frigid spray.

Annabelle shrieks with laughter.
Laughing at me as I'm
   Laying in the tub
            Fully clothed
                       Soaking wet.

Water sprays my face,
My limp hair clings to my cheeks,
And I let the tears dance down my face
To cha-cha with the shower stream

As the shower rinses away my tears
Feeling comes into my body

I feel weak.
I'm a failure.
I feel burning anger.
I'm not a Christian.
I feel pain.
So, so, much pain.

The girls have seen enough of my tears,
Enough of my anger,
Enough of my unruly and runaway emotions.
I am glad to let the water mask my tears for once.
To hide behind a transparent curtain of privacy.

The release of emotion is electrifying.
Feeling rushes like lightning through my extremities
My head is jerked back to its center.

Eleanor stops the drain and the cold water slowly rises
From my big toe up to my chin.
I plunge my face under the now tepid water,
And I hear both girls laughter echo's through the hollow bathroom.

What a fun game we are having playing in the water, they must think-
         In our clothes.
                In the middle of the day.
                    When we all should have been napping --
          But the naps were elusive
                          For the third day straight.

The peals of childish laughter sucks my soul back into its shell.
I begin to feel whole again
The water has washed me alive.

The laughter of the girls tells me we can have happy again
Despite the pain.
      Despite my mistakes.
            Despite all my failures as a mother today -
The girls are not ruined.

My harsh words, the ones I did not mean --
They have already forgotten
The words that flowed unbidden from my tongue
       Regretted the moment they flew from my lips

Angry Words.
Hurtful Words.
Awful Words.
Words that can't be taken back.

The girls climb into the tub with me, their clothes now ripped off
"I don't want my clothes to get wet like yours," Eleanor laughs as she sinks into the overflowing tub.
She giggles and splashes -
Annabelle begs "Up!"
We splash together.
We hug, kiss -
We play away the sadness.

None of it matters but their love.
They know I love them. I can see it in their eyes.
Their forgiving eyes,
       Eyes that I failed today.
               I failed myself today.

But tomorrow is a new day.
Fresh with no mistakes yet made.

Tomorrow will be better.

I will pray it so.

-----
-----

I wrote this last week in the midst of some really hard things going on in life, but I'm okay now - I promise. I kept this post till today just so I could play with all the other great writers over at The Extraordinary Ordinary.

Care to join me?

Heard Around, Part la cinquième (Part 5)

2011-09-18T00:42:00.000-07:00

"More, more, more!" Annabelle cries. We're driving in the car. I have nothing 'more' to give Annabelle, but before I can say anything Eleanor pipes up with much more snark than I knew a 3 year old was capable of:

"Not gonna happen, Annabelle! Not gonna happen!"

*                            *                                *                                    *

Eleanor spills the better part of her fruit smoothie all over her shirt and floor. I clean the mess and proceed to dump the rest of the smoothie into the sink (which wasn't much), not thinking she could finish it (sometimes I do things without thinking, yes, its true).

She climbs up with a step stool and pulls the cup down to look inside just to make sure nothing was left. She looks at me with horror and screams,

"Seriously?!" and throws the cup back into the sink. "Seriously? Next time DO NOT dump out the rest of my smoothie! I could have finished that!"

Since when did I have a sixteen year old, huh? What happened to my baby?

*                            *                                *                                    *

Annabelle mumbled something incoherently.

"Huh? What was that, Annabelle?" Eleanor shouts, "I couldn't hear you. Say it louder! No! Louder!"

*                            *                                *                                    *

"Daddy, you have a dirty head!"

"What do you mean?" Brandon asks.

"I dunno."

"So why do you think that?"

"Mommy told me."

What a little snitch!

*                            *                                *                                    *

"Oh, my! That scared the donuts out of my mind!" Eleanor exclaims out of absolutely nowhere.
But hey, her cousin Chloe said it once and got such a good laugh - why shouldn't she try it out?

Yup. Somehow even her unoriginal and off-the-wall comments elicited the response she was looking for, I'm sorry to say.

and then after acting a little nutso she stops, laughs and says,

"What is going on in my mind?!"

I do tell her, "What are you thinking??" quite often, and "What is that little mind of yours thinking?"

*                            *                                *                                    *

"I'm dying! I'm just dying, momma!" Eleanor moans rolling around on the floor.

Mildly concerned I ask, "why are you dying?"

"I'm dying of hunger. My tummy is too empty!" She continues moaning while rolling around on the floor.

Clearly she has no idea what an insult that is to the billions of children around the world who really are dying of hunger. Her comments really got to me. I spent the day thinking about the best way to teach her about the true hunger of other kids in the world. After doing a search on the internet I decided on hooking up with World Vision to sponsor a child that is actually dying of hunger. I think the biggest impact for Eleanor would to sponsor a girl with her same birthday. Then she can put a face and friend to the faceless millions of children dying of hunger around the world that need our help.

I can't wait to get started with this project.

A name change without all the hassle

2011-09-13T08:37:00.000-07:00

A long long time ago I mentioned wanting to change the name of this here blog. I was never a fan "Musings of a Mom," but I didn't think it mattered at the time what name I gave my blog - who would be reading but me and my moms, and grandmas? Now that I have 4 or 5 other readers, and what I write about has evolved I feel its time this blog 'grew up' a little. The first step is the name.

I've tossed around several different ideas, none of which I felt or fit just right.

Then my grandma told me a story. When she was a little girl every time her father would leave for a long trip (which was often) he would tell her and her siblings, "I love you more than tongue can tell!"
As a very little girl she always wondered what it meant that he loved her more than 'hotel', what hotel did he love so much?

Now say it out loud with me, "I love you more than tongue can tell!"

Say it again.

Faster now.

Ok stop.

Did you have fun? I know I did.

I dare you to say it without smiling.

Its impossible.

I told this to Eleanor one night months ago, and it has caught on like burrs to a feral cat. We say it to each other all the time now, and I love it. It never fails to make me smile.

For example, just a few minutes ago when I was sobbing my heart out into the pillows Eleanor came up, wrapped her little arms around me and told me "It'll be okay mommy - I love you more than tongue can tell, than tongue can tell, than tongue can tell!" You can't keep crying after hearing that. You just can't.

It has been in my head for months that I wanted to change the name of this blog to sometime that reflected this refrain which we now use everyday. I finally set on More Than This Tongue Can Tell.

It epitomizes the very heart of why I love to write. I am such a feeble speaker, my tongue does a poor job of communicating how I feel. I am much more eloquent when I write, when I can express my feelings freely and clearly. Besides you can't edit the words that pour recklessly out of an unchecked mouth.

While this will always be a 'mom blog,' because lets face it ya'll: I'm a mom and I love my children more than this tongue of mine can tell. I'm also much more than a mom. I'm a wife, a Christian, a writer, a photographer {albeit not a very good one, but I love taking pictures, and I love learning how to make them better}, and sometimes even a crafter {again, not a very good one, but I like to try}.   I love God and my family much more than this simple tongue of mine can tell you. I am compelled to write about the adventures we have along the way together.

I will be changing the url of the blog from its current www.musingsfrommom08.blogspot.com to simply www.heidileanne.com within the coming week, so those of you who have saved my blog as a tab in your internet browser instead of subscribing or getting an email - sometime this week when you click that tab for my blog and it takes you to a page that doesn't exist anymore all you have to do is type in www.heidileanne.com and you'll be taken to my new blog domain and don't forget to save it as a new tab. And if you haven't a 'follower' or a 'subscriber' already, just go ahead and 'follow' or 'subscribe' already! You know you want to.

For all the rest of my readers and subscribers and those who get the blog through email - you'll be automatically redirected to the new domain name. Nothing will change. Don't sweat it. I've got it all taken care of.

Hope ya'll stick around for all the new changes!

Where were you? {9/11 Memories}

2011-09-11T01:47:00.000-07:00

The phone rang waking me up from REM sleep. My head in a fog I put the phone to my ear.

My mother had already answered, but I heard a voice laced with confusion and pain say, "A plane has crashed into the towers. Turn on the news. Now."

In the fog of sleep that still clung to each of my senses I failed to understand what the voice had said. What towers? A water tower? A small passenger plane? In Napa or maybe St. Helena?

I stumbled from my bed and turned on the TV. The images, I will never forget. The sounds, still pierce my soul. The news footage, replays in my head like a bad movie that I can't turn off. I wish I could.

I'm glad I can't.

As much as I want to forget. I don't.

I don't want to forget that naive seventeen year old girl who only knew that the Twin Towers existed from their place in the NYC skyline. That skyline that played each week on my favorite show Friends.

That girl who had no real knowledge of the implications of the attacks when the planes crashed into the towers, into Pennsylvania, and into the pentagon. That girl who had no idea that there were so many people in the world who hated our country so much they would kill themselves in order that we would suffer even more.

I don't want to forget that girl who had lived for too long in a bubble of her own pain and heartache. I don't want to forget how when the towers crumbled and burned to the ground, all that silly girl's pain and heartache became insignificant, meaningless. Even ridiculous as I shed tears for the thousands that had their lives taken from them too soon, and the heroes that bravely and thoughtlessly gave theirs.

I will never be that naive, self-obsessed girl again. I will never forget how incredibly lucky I am to have my life. To have my family. To have my home. To have my God.

Ten years have passed, and the strong woman I am cries again today. This time the tears are not just of pain and confusion and fear. They are tears of sadness yes, but that sadness has managed to be mingled with confidence, optimism, and resiliency remembering too that out of the ashes came not only stories of pain, but stories of triumph and love.

I remember too the childhood classmate of mine and all his comrades that lost their lives in the years that followed, fighting for the rest of us that survived that fateful day ten years ago. Died so we can continue to hang onto the lives God gave us, the families we were blessed with, and the homes that we are able to love in together.

I remember too the legacy that 'that day' has left:

Hope. In the soon coming of the Lord. Hope that Goodness will always triumph over evil.

Faith. That we are in His hands at all time. Even the moments of pain and desolation.

And Love. The way we were made to love. Like tomorrow may never come.

But the greatest of these is love.

Where were you?

What legacy did 9/11 leave for you?

Developmental Milestones: Drawing Faces

2011-09-07T23:19:00.000-07:00

Milestones.

Sometimes you're expecting them. Sometimes they knock your breath clean out.

I handed Eleanor a marker and a slapped a pad of paper on the fridge and told her to draw. I had too much to do for her 'help' making dinner.

"Can you draw a face for me?" I asked Eleanor, expecting this to keep her busy for a long time.

A few moments of peaceful quiet, and she practically shouts,

"Look mommy, do you like my face?"

I was expecting the usual scribbles.

This is what I found instead:

Grandma asked her who she drew. "It's me!" she said proudly. Grandma thought leprechaun, but 'me' makes more sense.

She even signed her name.

A couple of those circles are suppose to be horses and a dolphin.

She went from drawing scribbles to drawing faces in just a second.

Makes me wonder what else she can do if I were only to ask.

* * *
Drawing Development in Children is a fun source if you're looking to see the typical progression of children's drawings as they age. {Note: I don't know what 14-16 year old they sampled here, but it wasn't me! My drawing developmental cursor got stuck around age 6.}

Eighteen Months Have Come and Gone

2011-09-05T00:58:00.000-07:00

My baby girl is a little girl now at a year and a half. The countdown to two has begun already, and I can't help but think of the cliche, 'where has the time gone?'

Annabelle's words have exploded - and she has nearly a hundred, perhaps more. I'm having a hard time keeping track of them on that list since each day she adds at least 4-5 new words. She does the 'point and grunt', where she wants me to tell her what the object is. I'll tell her, and she'll do her best to repeat it until she has the new word down. Other words she'll just pop up with out of nowhere, like she's been saying them her whole life.

She is ever the outgoing, bubbly child. She laughs hard, cries harder, and screams even louder {she is a bit on the dramatic side}. Yet she is the light of the house, and keeps us laughing and on our toes. Eleanor even remarked the other day, "She talks a lot more than I do." Yes, she does. She'll talk to herself if no one is listening.

She loves to pray, and when we say "We're ready to pray," she folds her hands, squints her eyes tight, brings her folded hands to cover her eyes, and says "'men!" when the prayer is over. I love this.

She loves to sing. When we have worship and we ask her what song she wants to sing she always asks for This Little Light of Mine by holding up her finger and either blowing on it or shouting "NO!" She hums along and rocks her body holding up and moving around her finger. She'll blow it out, and hide it under a bushel and blow it out. After we move on from the "hide it under the bushel, NO!" She keeps shouting 'No!' as loud as she can repeatedly.

She tries to sing the ABC's with us, and gets in a few letters like "b" and "g."

She loves to mother other children. At sabbath school this week an older boy in class had a hard time following directions of where to go, and what toy to pull out of his basket. She helped guide him where to go and pulled out the toys that he needed to give to him. He wasn't so keen on her help. She wasn't phased.

She is well on her way to being potty trained.

Loves: To read, brush her teeth (or anything related to teeth), horses, doggies, and cats. She loves to eat, eats more than her sister every time. Absolutely loves the smoothies daddy makes every morning, and asks for it all day. Corn on the cob, broccoli, and anything with 'dips' {aka ranch dressing} is a huge hit. She loves shoes, putting on clothes, and playing in the sprinklers or with the hose. She loves to climb and run and be outside. She loves giving hugs and kisses, and makes the big "smack!" sound with her lips as she plants a wet one on your cheek.

Dislikes: swimming, baths, being away from me, or told what to do.

She goes to bed around 6-6:30 p.m. (she eats her supper before Eleanor, Grandma and I have our supper as beings the evening 'melt down' very early these days), and wakes up anywhere between 6-7 a.m. She always goes to bed happy and wakes up happy. She takes one nap from about 1p.m-4p.m., and wakes up sleepy and thirsty. We cuddle in my bed until she's ready to give me her binky so she can get down to play (binkies are now strictly for sleeping).

She plays happily with her sister, or wants to be with me helping with whatever I'm doing in the kitchen or out in the garden: I call her my "tiniest apprentice" {and Eleanor is "the apprentice"}. She doesn't like being alone for any length of time, and protests loudly if Eleanor has to be taken out of their bedroom at night because the girls are playing and not falling asleep.

I love my little girl, but I miss my baby.

Eighteen months have come and gone

For momma they flew by

But for me they drug on and on
We were loading up in the Pilot

I'm trying not to cry

Momma kept on talking

'Look at that fruit fly!'

Then she took me by the hand and said

Baby don't forget -

Before you grow and fly away

You better stop the sass

There's a nifty way to obey

In case you forget your class
Take a nap and read the Bible
If you ever lose the way

Just one more thing before you grow
Don't forget to remember us

Oh wait - that's not how the song goes? My bad.

Adventures in Potty Training {Part 'Little Sister'}

2011-09-04T15:13:00.000-07:00

"Poopy, Mommy!" Annabelle called from her high chair.

I ripped her out of her high chair expecting to see that she'd already made a mess of her diaper. Amazingly - her diaper was still clean. I almost had forgotten what it was like to make the frantic mad dash to the bathroom, soothing "Okay hold it in, we're going to go to the potty!" all the way there.

But we made it. She went poop on the potty.

Not only did she know she needed to go, she told me she needed to, and she held it until we got the bathroom, where she went without any fuss at all.

It was a beautiful, beautiful thing.

The nice thing about potty training the second time around is that I've already studied for this test. I've got it. I'm not stressed, worried, frazzled or harried. I know what to expect, and I'm confidant.

I'd already learned before Annabelle was born {reading Diaper Free Before Three}that I needed to introduce her to the potty a lot earlier than I did with Eleanor. We had Annabelle sitting on the toilet at 4 months when I noticed she needed to go the bathroom. {which is a little bit like Elimination Communication. But its not. We used diapers. We did not live our lives revoling around Annabelle's bathroom needs. If I noticed she was making the "poop face," and I was near a toilet (a rare combination) I took her to the toilet. Sometimes we made it, sometimes we didn't.

Really, its so much easier to flush a toilet than to change the poopy diaper of a squirmy baby/toddler.

After all the times I've 'caught' Annabelle's pee/poo on the potty through the past year+, she became very very aware of her elimination needs.

I developed a 'schedule' of taking her to the toilet after dinner. And what do you know? As soon as I sat her on the potty she would push. Whether or not she has to go, at least she would try.

Yelling "I'm poopy!" when she was in fact poopy was a huge milestone. Then telling me she had to poop before she went was even bigger.

Which brings me to today.

Today is a big.

Since I know that diapers {and pull-ups which are glorified diapers} will only hinder her progress in toilet training, we are moving on to big girl cotton training pants (with plastic covers to help contain the messes I expect come).

Because I've done this all before I know that she needs to feel when she urinates and she can't do that with diapers or pull-ups that whisk away pee like it was never there in the first place. If she can't feel it, she can't control it.

I know there will be messes. I'm equipped for them.

I know there will be frustrations. I'm prepared for that.

I know there will be times I want to the throw in the towel. I'm expecting that.

But I know she is ready for this. And I'm ready for this too.

No more diapers {during the day} from here on out. I am committed.

We are stocked up with five plastic covers and 12 cotton training underpants. I have a plastic bin on the dyer to put in soiled underpants. I am mentally and physically prepared for the daily loads of underwear I may need to wash, the many trips to the bathroom. I am prepared to give her independence if she wants privacy, but I have songs and words of encouragement if she wants me there.

We even had success leaving the house on a shopping trip today. Annabelle announced "pee-poo!" and she made it to the restroom without soiling her underwear. She's ready for this.

I know there will be set-backs. But I know that she is ready, and I am prepared.

Bring it on potty training. We've got this.

Heard Around, Quatrième partie (Part 4)

2011-08-31T16:56:00.000-07:00

"Oh that's really great, babe!" I say to Eleanor after she told me something cute.

"No, I'm not babe!"

"I'm sorry, who is babe then?"

"Daddy is babe, not me."

Its true too. I only ever call Brandon 'babe.'   She's too quick for me.

*                          *                              *                                  *

In the middle of Grandma saying prayer for dinner Annabelle begins to shout at the top of her lungs.

"El'nor! Pray! El'NOR Praaay!"

I peek over at Eleanor, and sure 'nuff - Eleanor is not praying and stuffing her face with crooked-neck yellow squash (that girl loves her some squash).

After Grandma finished praying I tell Eleanor she needs to wait until we're done praying to eat, because we need to be respectful to the family and God and give Him thanks for our food.

"Oh, its okay mommy, I had already said my own prayer."

*                          *                              *                                  *

"Daddy theres a mouse in the car! A mouse!!" Eleanor screamed as she sat in her car seat.

And since we've recently killed six mice in our house (yes, SIX small field mice), and the last time she told us there was a mouse we didn't believe her since it had been so long since we'd caught a mouse - we thought we'd gotten them all. So, Brandon chose to believe her, and thought a real mouse had somehow gotten into the car (and so did Lisa who was going to be driving the girls in his car).

She kept pointing to a mouse that was under the drivers seat, so Brandon went over and like the brave man that he is, looked under the seat (I would like to say I would have been brave, but I've discovered mice make me scream like a little girl. Who knew?)

Sure enough, there was a mouse!

A sticker with a picture of a mouse the size all about the of a fingernail.

*                          *                              *                                  *

As we walk down the street to pick up our mail (which, by the way - what is up with not having mail boxes at each house? Mailmen sure are lazy these days with all these communal mailboxes for each neighborhood. Hmph!) Eleanor ran ahead like she normally does, and Annabelle tottered along behind her as fast as she could shouting,

"El'nor stop! Stop!" And it was obvious she was really trying to say, 'Stop, I'm not as fast as you!'

Such is the lot of the little sister, always tagging behind in the older siblings foot steps.

Beet Salad

2011-08-30T18:01:00.000-07:00

Back in the 1940's my grandmother created this recipe because and I quote 'it sounded good to me."

I was skeptical when she told me about "Beet Salad," which is pretty much just like potato salad but with beets instead of potatos. In the end, my curiosity won me over and I was very pleasantly surprised. It wasn't just tolerable, it was delicious! I can't wait to have the leftovers {which if its anything like potato salad, will be even better the second time around}. However, if you don't like potato salad, and you don't like beets, then you won't like this salad {*ahem*Brandon*ahem}. Which is just fine, more for me!

A food photographer I am not. C'mon what were you expecting, this is a mom blog not a food blog! ;)

Beet Salad

Ingredients

3 Beets
2 Hard boiled eggs, chopped
1 celery rib, finely chopped
1/4 Onion, finely chopped
1 tablespoon mayonnaise (or just enough to wet the ingredients and bring them together. Less is better here)
Salt to taste

Directions
Steam or boil beets until they are soft and tender. Remove skins. Let cool and dice. Finely chop celery, and onion, and dice the hard boiled eggs. Add all together and mix in a tablespoon of mayo, add more if needed. Add salt to your preference.

Serves 4

--From the Kitchen of Daphne Odell 

Enjoy!!

Bedtime Stories: "When I was a girl. . . "

2011-08-29T22:24:00.000-07:00

When I was just a little girl one of my favorite things was when my mom (or grandma) would snuggle up in bed with me and I would just sit and listen to her tell stories about when she was a little girl. There was the time she almost got kidnapped while picking avocados, or the time she saw a man rise up into the sky from the ground until he disappeared. I may be a bit sketchy on some of the details, but the memories of warmth, and love, and security are just as vivid as ever.

So when I put Eleanor to bed tonight, and we'd been laughing and just enjoying each others company all night (and all day really) I was loath to leave her room and the warmth and love of snuggling in bed with her.

Besides, Brandon had to work late and wasn't home yet (still isn't), and I had the time to just lay there and cuddle with her. Nothing was pressing on my time but to just lay and be with my daughter (Annabelle had already fallen asleep an hour before, sweet sleepy baby).

I asked Eleanor, "would you like to hear me tell you a story about when I was a little girl?"

"Yes! Yes!!" She whispered, "I hadn't heard about when you were little like me before!"

And it hit me. She really has never heard about all these stories that all piled together make me who I am. She knows so much about who I am now, but she doesn't know the the stories that have made me who I am today. It made me incredibly sad. I don't why sad exactly, but there you have it. Sad mixed a with a little bit of longing that this child of mine could know me as completely as I know her.

As her little back curved into my body and I wrapped my arms around her it it me.

I could not think of one truly happy story from my childhood.

Not one.

The first story that popped into my head?

The time my sister and I went selling magazines for a school fundraiser only to come home to our neighborhood blocked off with police cars and my dad being frisked up against a squad car.

No, no, that wouldn't do.

No, instead I went with the story about the first time I had a sleep over at my best friend Carrie's house-

{Yes, it starts out warm and fuzzy. Just wait.}

And how when my parents came to pick me up the next morning, and everyone was standing around outside talking I went to say good bye to their enormous dog and wound up getting bit in the head -

{ah yes - there it is. A horrible story after all.}

My ear was almost taken clear off. It was a good thing her father and grandfather were doctors, and stitched me right there at their house, right over their kitchen sink.

Hmmm.

Yea - still better than the first story I thought up.

Moral of the story: Beware of big dogs. You never know when they might almost bite your ear off.

Hmmm.

Yeah, I'm hoping the exact details of the story don't phase her as much as the time snuggled together listening to the sound of my voice telling her stories about what it is that makes me, me.

As I finished the first story she asked for another, and another, and piped in with questions like, "ooh, maybe you could show me a picture of that?" and, "I've never been there before, maybe when I'm bigger you could take me there!" or "Who helped you, mommy? Who was there to help you?"

And as I kept talking more stories rolled up from the past that I had totally forgotten, like the time that a bee landed in my hand when I was three and I wanted to keep it so I closed my hand tight into a fist.

Lesson learned.

Don't squish a bee in your hand.

The more stories I told, the more I remembered, and the happier the stories became. We could have just laid there for hours me telling stories and Eleanor listening. Each of us perfectly happy in the moment.

"Maybe you can tell me more stories about when you were a little girl tomorrow, mommy?" she asked as I kissed her goodnight.

You bet it, kiddo!

Wouldn't miss it for the world.

Day Trips in Northern California: Leoni Meadows

2011-08-21T13:05:00.000-07:00

Tucked away in the great Sierra Nevada's just over an hour east of Sacramento is my favorite retreat/camping/summer camp, Leoni Meadows.

I've been going there ever since I was a kid in elementary school when we'd go there for science and class bonding field trips, Bible retreats in high school, and just to get away.

For some reason I never really thought of it as a place to take my small children, but when we had the chance to go as a family for the day with the staff {and families} from the Academy I discovered that Leoni Meadows is perfect not just for big kids, but any sized kid - big or small.

I have also recently discovered an amazing program they have every summer called Family Camp where you can go with your small children and participate in camp like you did when you were a kid (or never got to go to, but wished you had), with all the swimming in lakes, canoeing, archery, horseback riding, and crafting glory that summer camp brings. I cannot wait to take the girls and go to this camp with them (and any other friends and family I can ~~drag~~ bring along with us}.

While we there for the day a few weekends ago we discovered the amazing playground with swinging bridge, incredibly long slide, swings, and rustic log cabin playhouse.

We spent time chasing chickens, acting like chickens, and being chased by chickens.

We played by the old fashioned train depot {though the train was unfortunately missing}

We were awed by the beautiful horses in the meadow.

Total cost of the trip: >$60 in gas to get there.

                 And yes the memories were 'priceless.'

If you have a free day with nothing to do and are within a few hours from the Sierra's make a day trip out to Leoni Meadows and I promise you will not be disappointed.

Whose Children Are These?

2011-08-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

At one point last week I threw up my hands in frustration after Eleanor went to bed and exclaimed: "She keeps testing, testing, testing, and I keeping failing, failing, failing." It felt like she had decided to pull out the "Final Examination of Being a Parent To Three Year Olds" (not to be confused with "The Final Examination of Being a Parent to Newborns/Infants/One Year Olds or Two Year olds/Pre-teens/Early Teens, Late Teens, or Adult-Children-Who-Refuse-To-Move-Out-Of-Your-Home) and I had failed miserably.

Every rule and boundary I gave her see tested. Sometimes subtly, as in "Don't touch that {fill in the blank off-limit item}, Eleanor."

Do you see this one tiny finger I'm putting on it, Mom? What are you going to do about it? Hmm?

Yes. I see it. And yes. You're in time out.

What?! But I didn't do anything?!! {Screams bloody murder.}

All week. And worse. Much worse.

I began to worry that my sweet-tempered, well-behaved child had permanently shed her skins for this new demon-possessed stranger.

Then a miracle happened. We 'had the weekend off' and went out of our routine at home. We spent time out on the town with our friend Caren, and then whisked away Sabbath for Yosemite to surprise Brandon {who had been there with the new senior class since Thursday} and spent the day in perhaps the most beautiful part of Gods creation I've ever been to.

The entire weekend {pretty much} both girls were the same sweet-tempered, well-behaved children I had almost forgotten we'd ever had. It was a ~~Christmas Day~~ late-summer miracle.

But this morning when Eleanor crawled into bed with us at the crack of dawn my inner dialogue was less-than joyous.

And when I heard Annabelle begin to cry in her crib I buried my head in the pillows and groaned just a little. I knew it was 'my turn' to get up early with the girls, and my body and mind did not feel up to the task.

Early mornings are my kryptonite.

Before I could crawl my lazy self out of bed to help Annabelle out of the crib, Eleanor dashed out of our bed, ran to their room, and I heard the crib gate open {yes, the crib has a gate, and it was worth every penny just for that feature} and then Eleanor greeted her with a cheerful 'good-morning sister!"

Annabelle ran into our room and I could hear her crawl onto the foot of our bed as we both lay in our pathetic half-awake but unable to process the world sleep-induced coma.

It was then I heard the most beautiful words I have ever heard my child utter. Perhaps anyone utter {I'm sorry Brandon, you know I love you}:

"C'mon Annabelle, lets go to the playroom and let mommy and daddy sleep."

Yes, you read that right. And yes, those were her exact words. No lie.

Annabelle froze and must have turned I don't know, I was pretending to still be asleep, "Come and play with me in the playroom sissy, Mommy and Daddy need to sleep," and just like that Annabelle climbed down off the bed and ran to the playroom where I could hear the sounds of them happily and quietly playing and reading books together.

Oh sweet succotash, who are these children? First it seems they have been possessed by demons and now it seems they must surely be angels sent from above!

Six Years

2011-08-15T00:46:00.000-07:00

I love how each year of marriage just keeps getting better and better. Of course there have been difficulties, lots of hurdles we have had to jump through through the years- but we've jumped through them together and come out on the other side stronger than before.

I love that about us.

Here is a sentimental look back of us through the six years we've been married for your viewing pleasure:

Awww, look how young we are. Such babies we were!

Not sure how we got so tan that summer - we had just been in Alaska for an entire month

Three years into our marriage (just shy of 3 really) we welcomed our first daughter. {yes this is us being crazy camping at Yosemite when she was only a few weeks old.}

And after she is born, clearly I don't matter anymore (lets play a game of "Where's Heidi?")

For our five year anniversary we spent three whole days away from Eleanor (Annabelle was too young to be away from me yet), while we relaxed at a beach resort. Yet we somehow managed not to take any pictures of us actually at the beach together. We're amazing.

We went horseback riding together this year (thanks to a wonderful former student of Brandon's) for our anniversary. It had been six years since either of us had been on the back of a horse. I may need to take some riding lessons again. If only there were time for that!

My legs and rear are already sore.

Even still, I'd ride every day if I could.

Heard Around, La Troisième Partie (Part 3)

2011-08-11T14:32:00.000-07:00

"I'm putting away the clothes right now, and when I'm done you can fold the socks. Okay? Because I don't know how to do them yet. I'm not big enough. See my feet? They're little. Yours are bigger. When mine are bigger I can help fold the socks, okay mom?"

I love seeing the workings of her logic spin in her little brain. I guess it does make sense.

******
After calming down from throwing one of the worst tantrums of her life, at a restaurant no less, and screaming at me for eating my cracker - Eleanor looks at me with a twinkle in her eye, holding the half eaten cracker out to me and says, "I was just joking mom, you can eat the cracker!" Then proceeds to burst into fits of laughter.

Funny how she was the only one laughing.
****

At breakfast I often tell my Grandma the news from the night before. This morning, as I was telling her about the continued stock market crash here, in Japan, and overseas - Eleanor pipped in, "It's okay, mom! We can pick up the pieces and take the trash back to target!"

Economic advice from a three year old. Pretty sound, I think.

*****
During our morning snuggle time Brandon tried taking over and pretended to push the girls away from me (who had been clambering on me pushing him away shouting, "my mommy, MY mommy,") telling them, "No, my wife, my wife!"

"No, she's not 'you're wife'!" Eleanor shouted at him.

"Oh no? Then who is?"

"I'm your wife, daddy!"

Ah, and so begins with her the many years that girls go through believing they will grow up and one day marry their father.

Uuh, wait? I'm not the only one who thought that, right?

*cricket, cricket*

Right?

Author Spotlight: Sandra Boyton

2011-08-09T01:31:00.000-07:00

Hands down our favorite author in this house is Sandra Boynton. Surprise surprise! She only tops all the top lists for children books. There's a good reason she's so well loved.

We've had Moo Baa La La La! on our shelves for several years now, the first of her books we recived. Eleanor has the book completely memorized. Annabelle is working her way to it, and can pipe in with the animal sounds and "No no!" bit as we read. It's such a simple book, but so much fun! My favorite part is at the end when the book asks "Now, what do you say?" We've taught Eleanor to say, "I love you mommy (or daddy)" depending on who is reading to her. Awwww!

Another favorite is:"Hey! Wake up!" Funny story: One morning Annabelle crawled out of bed at 6 a.m. (her crib has a gate so she can get out on her own terms in the morning when she wakes up) and came to play with me while I was still out. I was so exhausted I just lay there and tried to snuggle her - which she didn't want anything to do with. She crawled off the bed to the playroom, came back rather quickly and hit me repeatedly over the head with a book. I reached out for the book mumbling incoherently, then burst out laughing when I saw the title "Hey! Wake up!" I woke up.

I haven't read any of her books that the girls and I don't enjoy. Currently we have:

Fifteen Animals,
Moo, Baa, La La La!
Barnyard Dance
Lets Dance, Little Pookie!
Goodnight Little Pookie
The Going to Bed Book
Hey! Wake UP!

I especially love that we can go to this website here, and sing a song as we read the book (limited to Fifteen Animals for us for now). The girls both get such a kick out of the songs that it makes reading even more fun, if that were possible!

*My plan is to begin a weekly author/book spotlight - sharing the books and authors that the girls and I enjoy the most.