Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Heard Around, Part Ten

It has been too long since I last posted some hilarious conversations or overheard phrases.  I have kept recording when I can remember and now I have pages of conversations. Enough for many more posts, you'll be pleased to know.


*****

Me: (Reading a story about a little boy going to school)
Eleanor: I will go to school when I grow up!
Me: Yes, you will!
Eleanor: And I will learn how to cook, and clean, and go shopping without you with me, mommy!
Me: (how have I raised such an anti-feminist??) Yes, and how to read, and write, and do math too.
Eleanor: Uh-huh, and how to drive!
Me: (face-palm)

*****
 
Eleanor: Uh-oh. Teddy just pooped on my foot, and now he pooped on you, mommy!
Daddy: Its okay, she’s used to it. You used to do it all the time.
Eleanor: What? No I didn’t! Don’t say that, man!
Daddy: Well, I have pictures that prove you used to poop on mommy.
Eleanor: Why would I do that?
Daddy: That’s just what little babies do.
Eleanor: Yeah, sometimes that is what babies do. Like you were building the crib for somebody cause her baby is coming. She’s having a baby.
Daddy: That’s right she has a baby in her belly that is still growing.
Eleanor: Yeah. So, how’d that baby get in her belly?
Daddy: (Under his breath) Ah, I knew that was coming. (whispered to me) what did we tell her last time?
Me: Well, uh, there was a seed that God put in her belly, and a little bit came from the love of her daddy, and a little came from the love of her mommy. So the seed grew into a tiny baby that has a little bit of both mommy and daddy.
Eleanor: Oh yeah, that’s right. I remember now.
Me: (thinking to myself) That's not going to mess her up for life, is it?

*****

(Eleanor picks up my camera)
Me: (Gasping) Uh-oh, Eleanor - no!
(Eleanor begins to drop the camera and I swoop in and catch it)
Eleanor: Whoops! Guess that’s why I have my own camera now.
Me: Exactly! 

*****
Me: It is Isabella’s birthday party this Sunday. Do you know what she might want?
Eleanor: Hmm, yes. We should bring her a birthday party hat.
Me: Oh good idea. Ok! What else?
Eleanor: Well, actually – I don’t think we can go to the party, mom. 
Me: What? Why ever not?
Eleanor: Well, (hesitating) when we were there playing last time  .  . . I hid her star bucket and she told me: ‘now you can’t come to my birthday party!’ So I don't think we should go.
Me: Oh, that was not a nice thing for you to do, Eleanor.  Did you apologize?
Eleanor: Yes. But you know what mom? I think we can go to the party and she will be really happy to see us anyway. Don’t you think?
Me: Absolutely! (How did she get so perceptive?)

*****


Me: (to Eleanor) Have you brushed your teeth this morning yet?
Eleanor: (With a look of disgust) Yeah, um - well I put sunscreen in my mouth and it didn’t feel very good.
Me: Did you swallow any?!?
Eleanor: No, that was gross!
Me: (hysterical laughter)



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